A Bit More on Parenting an Adopted Child

A few weeks ago I opened up a bit and wrote about some of our more personal struggles with Eden. I have received so much encouragement from your comments and for that I am grateful! We have again had some not so fun behavior but let me share some of the sweet moments in the midst.

Eden is back to do tremendous amounts of screaming, kicking while writhing on the floor, yelling at me...you get the picture. On the advice of someone I really respect I have been taking a bit of a different approach with her. When the behavior starts I calmly yet firmly tell her that until she done screaming at me I cannot talk to her, look at her or touch/hold her. And then I continue to go about my business. I am not isolating her because I remain in the room with her (very important) and I am not rejecting her. She knows as soon as she is done my arms are waiting to hold her and my words are quick to sooth her. The amount of time she screams is lessening and she is much quicker to pick herself up and say, "I am done screaming now."

Along with that she has been back to her daily mantra of "I am your friend mommy." "I am your girl."

In the midst of her mantra she has added some new ones which make me smile and are the sweet moments I mentioned. Her two new ones are, "You are my best buddy." "You make me happy."

It is the little things that make a mother's heart sing. I took the kids to the library today. While they were playing Eden came over to me, hugged me and said, "I love you." Seems normal, right? She didn't initiate affection with me too often until just recently. I think we are making progress. Having her stop in the midst of her play, come initiate affection and return to her play is big for me!

I read a few things lately that have helped me keep things in focus. I can't take credit for the words so don't start thinking I am brilliant or something.

If we as parents had a child with a physical disability we wouldn't dream of trying to tell them to do something outside of their limitations. For instance, if your child were in a wheelchair and unable to walk you wouldn't dream of telling them to get up and clean their room. Or if they had scoliosis you wouldn't tell them to "sit up straight."

When you are parenting a child who has inner wounds that are not visible it is harder to keep that in focus. I have been reminding myself daily that my sweet daughter carries internal wounds that are not visible to my physical eye. But there is Someone who can see them. And if I continue to ask Him for wisdom in how to parent this treasure so her heart is able to heal and be whole I believe He will show me.

And some may think we are over analyzing things because how could a little girl who is 10 months old when she comes home have any long-lasting affects of her "previous life?" I am much more in tune with the bonding process this time around with Heidi. And I know that she would be a completely different little girl had I suddenly disappeared from her life only to be replaced with Lord only knows how many other people. It has an affect! Trust me!

Mark and I were talking the other night about how it is becoming so much more apparent to us that we have to handle her a little differently. Now....this may go against some people and their parenting philosophies. But I know that with each of my children and their distinct giftings and personalities that we have to approach teaching and guiding them in different ways. Does this mean you love one more than another? Absolutely not! You love them, guide them, discipline them in different ways so that they can be effectively guided through life. And she is no different than the boys. She needs very firm boundaries but delicate discipline and guidance.

Oh...what we get ourselves into when we sign up for this whole parenting endeavor!