2 Weeks Later

Two weeks have gone by already since Naomi came home! This week we have seemed to settle into our new routine and life is feeling "back to normal." Meals have been organized and so I don't have to worry about cooking for our family until the end of next week. Such a huge blessing! I was thinking that maybe two weeks of meals was a little extravagant but am finding those extra minutes and hours are precious when it comes to spending time with other children who are still adjusting.

In many ways I think the adjustment has been harder on me then on the kids. Over the weekend I found myself really questioning our decision. Going to be gut level honest here. Sometimes I feel on display and like we are a spectacle when we go places. We took the kids to get ice cream on Friday evening and the stares were a bit unnerving. Maybe it was Tristan's horrid plaid shorts and camo shirt combination that they were looking at. It almost hurt your eyes to look at him but he was insistent and who am I to stand in the way of a child who could possibly be a trend setter? All jokes aside sometimes I want to look and feel normal. Those were the words I uttered to Mark numerous times Friday and Saturday. "Why can't we just be normal? Why has God called us to this? What if our other kids feel forgotten? What if, why, what if, why......?"

A few things I started realizing in the midst of my ranting: first of all, when I stepped back and listened to myself I sounded extremely self-absorbed. Secondly, I feel very strongly that God had something to say about redefining "normal" for me.

Where do I get this sense of normalcy? Who am I allowing to define normal in my life? If I look at the crux of the gospel and if I look at the heart of adoption I see a different normal than I have allowed to be defined in my mind. From the foundation of the world God new that His plan was redemption! Redeeming what had been lost to Him through sin. His plan was to adopt us into His family. Adoption!! It transcends everything - skin color, diversity, issues, abuse and simply says YOU BELONG!!! You have a place to call home. You have a family. You are loved and part of the beloved! I realized that what the world may deem as not normal is completely normal in God's eyes! And since I am living to honor Him who cares if I am a spectacle when I take my children places. This is my normal and I better be ok with that!

Mark keeps saying to me, "You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody." 2 cor 3:2 After having a long cry on Saturday, processing with Mark and praying with some friends I have felt complete peace! I know that God's hand has been in the midst of our lives and Naomi's life. My heart is completely smitten by her and I love her as though I birthed her! I have said for a long time that I want to live my life and have no regrets! Plus, I am fully aware that I have had to cram about 10 months of preparation (which includes the hormones and emotions) into 2 weeks. Feel free to pray for Mark. Just kidding. Kind of.