Solitude and Other Swirling Thoughts

I love quietness. I do not mind having time alone and to myself. I don't necessarily crave alone time but when I stumble upon it I welcome it. While I am not alone right now technically (there are 5 sleeping children in the house) I am basking in quietness. An absolute rarity. Mark went to life group tonight and I opted to stay home since Shane is still a bit under the weather and I can't seem to get through more than 2 minutes without coming close to coughing up one of my lungs. My abs have been getting a phenominal workout but unfortunately my lower back isn't too pleased with my coughing spasms. I have been having a little flair up with my bulging disc and this isn't helping matters. But I have nothing to complain about, right Steffany? :)

Just when I thought we were dodging the sick bullet we got hit. Judah first, then Shane. Judah had fever, aches, severe headaches, chills.....for three days. He only missed one day of school since it hit on Saturday. Normally he is very dramatic about being sick but he felt so lousy this time that he hardly spoke a word for 2 days. Monday afternoon he came into the kitchen and wondered if we had any broccoli. He hadn't really eaten anything since Friday so I looked at him funny. He sat down and ate almost 2 complete heads of broccoli. Silly kid!

Shane started with it on Sunday evening. Fever, huge glands and just overall aches. He is doing some better because he started eating today. His neck is really stiff though and his glands are freakishly huge! If they aren't improved tomorrow morning I will be calling the doctor I think.

And I just have an obnoxious cold. I will get over it though - no need to continue complaining.

Wow!! Peace and quiet is something I would buy if it were purchasable. This is lovely!!

So excited for Lana and Larry who we met while in Ethiopia. They passed court yesterday and they are parents to beautiful sisters ages 6 and 8. I can't help but look at my boys who are the same age and wonder what these precious girls must be feeling. I know some of their story but it isn't mine to tell. Just pray for the transition for them, for Lana and Larry and their other children. This will be number 7 & 8 for them!

Which brings me to a question I hear from people sometimes. "How much money did it cost for you to adopt Eden? Followed by, "How can people afford to adopt?" At first I didn't mind answering the question too much. But as time went on I began to find the question offensive. I found myself wanting to say, "Just how much is too much? How much is a child worth? How much are your children worth to you?"

I view things so often through the filter of if the tables were turned. What if I were the one dying of AIDS? What if my children were about to be orphaned? How much would I value their lives? Would I want someone to let them sit because they were scared of what baggage they might bring with them? Would I want someone to look over them because it cost too much?

Adoption isn't cheap! But more than the monetary investment it is the eternal investment. Rarely do you find someone who has the spare thousands lying around. Almost always it is a life of sacrifice, a life of maybe doing without something that we deem "necessary".

Why is it that so often it is the families who have 4, 5, or six children who return to bring more children home? Is it because they have so much spare cash? Probably not! Is it because they have experienced the Fathers heart and heard His heart breaking over these precious children made in His image? Probably so. Having children isn't a trivial thing. Is doesn't matter how they become your children. It is a lifetime of investing in them: their character, their relationships with each other, their relationship with you, their hobbies, their hopes....you get the idea. I do not view having children lightly. It is a huge task and responsibility. I am convinced though that the sleepless nights and the intense seasons of molding character are beyond worth it.

I remember when we first started the paperwork process and talking with someone (I think you will remember who you are) about the financial side of things. I said I had numerous people tell me that if God was calling us to adopt we wouldn't go into debt. That is a whole other subject that I have no desire to get into. I remember asking this person how they had completed their adoption and if they had any debt left over. And you know? They said something so simple yet so profound that it really was pivitol in our journey. She looked at me and said, "So what if you have $5,000 in debt left over. People buy brand new vehicles, pay on them for 5 years and have something that is worth nothing in 10 years. A child has an eternal soul! They are priceless!" I walked away thinking to myself that I didn't care what people thought anymore. I didn't care if we had to get an adoption loan.

I talked with our agency this week about some paperwork that I needed to forward to them. Like Eden's re-adoption, her PA birth certificate, etc. I asked them how they process older adoptions since we have been tossing that around. I was shocked....stunned....when they told me that they only do 5-10 adoptions per year of children who are "older" (I am assuming this means past the age of 2). They do approximately 70 adoptions per year of infants. I took in this information but as I thought about it later my heart was saddened. That means almost all the beautiful children who I photographed, touched and bantered with are still there. There are a few other agencies who also adopt from that orphanage so maybe they process the older children. But more than likely the vivacious little boy who had darkened front teeth from decay but whose smile was still so beautiful who daily took my hand and placed it on his head while saying, "Mama?" is still putting the hand of the next lady to walk through the door on his head and still asking, "Mama?"

Do you feel it? The tugging? Maybe you should succumb to it and take a risk. I am so glad we did. Even though my girl thinks she can pea while standing on the toilet seat and proceeds to pea everywhere. More than once a day. Ugggh! Even though she loves to push my buttons and gets a horribly mischievious grin on her face when she knows I am upset. Darn those emotions anyhow!!

Maybe I will write some more another day. I do feel a measure of grace. We will see. But for now.....adoption is worth it and you absolutely cannot put a price on a child. They are indeed precious and priceless!!