Things are Changin'

I was all ready to upload some photos and realized the camera is with my husband. He took Judah and Shane fishing for the day and that is why I am actually having a few moments to sit down. I have only one child who is awake and in action right now. Feels kind of strange but oh so lovely!!

First of all I will fill you in on the change that is coming. We deliberated, discussed and decided to enroll Judah in school this year. We are very confident this is the best decision at this point since I am still in a bit of survival mode. Although things are evening out quite beautifully here as of late. Still....I do not have 4 hours a day to sit and help, teach and monitor Judah as he works. We took him in to visit the elementary school and he was hooked!! It helps that one of his dear friends (our neighbors grandson) will be in his class! There are two 3rd grade classes at the school and both classes have only 12 or 13 kids in them! Private school size classes!! We were blown away by how informative, helpful and excited the principal and teachers were to meet him. They came in special to show him and us around the school. As much as I love teaching the boys I was feeling this weight bearing down on me that I knew was not going to be productive both in my teaching and most importantly in my ability to mother my children. I feel like I can breathe deeply again.

As a result of enrolling him in school I will have a bit of extra time throughout the day which I am hoping to spend with the little munchkins. I will still be doing first grade with Shane but he has an entirely different learning style than Judah and tends to run with things with very little instruction. I am hoping to spend a little more quality time with Eden as we are noticing some behavioral things with her that just need some tweaking.

As I have been mothering Heidi I have realized how much bonding does take place in those first few months. I look at Heidi and think, "What would happen if suddenly I was taken out of her life and misplaced with random strangers?" Eden was almost 3 months old when her mother passed away and for the next 2 months we really do not know who was taking care of her. I am sure the care she received while adequate was not the same as having a mother who was connecting, loving and nurturing her. And then for the next 5 months she had numerous caregivers at the orphanage. I talked extensively with another adoptive mother (who is a dear friend) who has been doing research and studying attachments issues and disorders for her masters. I was explaining some of the behaviors we were noticing in Eden and she confirmed that yes.....we need to really work on the bond. Eden is very secure and knows she is loved. But sometimes I think she views women in general as "mom". She knows I am her mom and I operate as her mother but she gravitates towards other women when she perceives me as being distant. That can be from enforcing boundaries with her or simply from helping one of the other children with something. This is really hard to explain in writing since it sounds almost petty. But trust me when I say there are definitely things I am encountering with her that I haven't with our other children. Nothing horrible but things that still need some attention and redirection. I think she will benefit greatly from having her mom "freed up" a little more.

I had Heidi to the doctor last week for her 4 month check up. She weighed in at 14 lbs 14 ozs and 25 inches long. She isn't a tiny little peanut anymore! We are noticing similarities in her and Judah at this point. Both very sensitive as babies. She prefers to be home and does a lot of screaming anytime we go to someone else's house. We were at my sister's house on Saturday for my nephews graduation/going away party and she cried almost the entire time! As soon as we got home she was her happy, smiley self. Last night I tried to go play bunko with my friends and she started screaming as soon as I walked into the house. I decided it wasn't worth listening to her scream all night, left and she was happy as a clam upon entering our house. Someone made the comment that I must feel so trapped. You know.....I don't feel trapped at all! I fortunately enjoy being home plus I know she will be running around in a matter of months and those quiet moments of her snuggling with me will be over.

And now I hear her waking up! So....I will run now, feed my child, change some diapers and confiscate the camera upon the fishermen's return. I have some cute pictures for you all!!