Emotions of Motherhood

It is amazing to me how every day is different yet all my days seem to have a common thread. The common thread is the myriad of emotions I feel in any given day. Take for instance yesterday. I woke up and didn't mentally prepare myself for the day ahead. I know this may sound somewhat stupid to some people but honestly I do need to have my "game face" on. It seems like the days when I wake up, focus on the tasks at hand and decide ahead of time to have a good day my days are more productive and I enjoy my kids much more. Yesterday I woke up and for some reason and just jumped into things without processing things out in my head and asking God for His much needed strength. On these kinds of days I end up feeling so many good emotions and just as many unhealthy emotions. I become much more self-focused and get frustrated very easily with the demands of small children. While Judah and Shane still need intervention numerous times a day when their emotions get heated they are pretty independent and self-sufficient. It is the constant demands of the two younger ones that can become draining. I start questioning our decision to have a bigger family and start envying people with two children. I think life would be so much more enjoyable with less demands. When I begin to zero back in on what is important I see Tristan sharing his blankie with Eden. I see Judah drawing a pirate ship for Shane because Shane is sick on the couch. I hear Shane tell Tristan that he loves him. I hear Judah and Shane working together on something and learning teamwork. I watch a father get home from work and spend his evening swimming with his family. I see God at work in my everyday, mundane and often times draining life. If I focus on what really matters suddenly things begin to look different. Instead of envying other peoples smaller families I find joy in watching Eden swim for the first time and marvel at how God has rescued her and brought her to us. And at the same time He was rescuing me from myself. When people say, "She is such a blessed little girl" I just want to reply that "No. We are the ones who have been blessed." Blessed by seeing Gods provision, His undying love for everyone, His mercy for the forgotten and the way I see Him working in my heart and the hearts of my children.

So today I am trying to celebrate the little things. Like Tristan and Eden sleeping at the same time. Like watching Shane and Judah spend time painting together. Like putting my cleaning aside and reading for a while to the kids. (This is no small miracle) I am convinced if we look past ourselves we would see God's hand everywhere! Go be His hands today and allow yourself to be touched by His hands as well!!