Cabin Fever

We are officially getting a pretty severe case of cabin fever at this house.  This winter seems long and never ending.  Like every winter feels as February drags on.  I feel as though I am literally craving warmth and sun.  Soon we will be running out the door barefoot again with the smell of sunscreen wafting behind us!

 Until then we bundle up and walk out to greet the school aged kids of the house every afternoon.  Heidi is insistent that she walk along daily to watch them get off the bus.  Then she turns and runs as fast as her little legs will carry her back towards the house!  Or sometimes she hides behind a tree to jump out and scare us. 

 I love my days with her!  She is typically helpful and always stubborn!  Her phrase of late when things are not going the way she wants is "You are breaking mine heart!"

 Heidi took this picture of Naomi and I just think it is sweet.

 An unexpected snow last week had us awaken to a magical winter wonderland!  Everything was covered in snow!!  I initially felt that familiar feeling of annoyance until I really stopped to look.  I stepped outside with the camera to try and capture the beauty.  The sky was dark and brooding in one direction and clear blue in the other

 Tristan's favorite climbing tree!

 And this young man didn't get the memo that it is still winter!  At least he has shoes, gloves and his face mask on.

 She joined in the snowball fight too!

Pre-bedtime snuggles.  She was nearly asleep until she had her breathing treatment.  Albuterol gives "coming out of her skin" a whole new meaning!  Look at that cheesy smile.

Turning Twelve

I still find myself in a state of disbelief that twelve years have already passed since the day Judah entered the world and I became a mother.  I can vividly remember pretty much every detail of the day of his birth.  Mainly, I thought I was going to die.  I was sure of it!  But low and behold I survived.

 It goes without saying that this boy is happiest outside.  Especially if it involves fishing or hunting.  Right now he is convinced he has found coyote tracks on the mountainside.  For the past week he has gone for at least an hour long hike everyday after school.  He puts on his boots, grabs his binoculars and off he goes! 

 These pictures were from the splendid warm days of summer.  Oh how I am ready for the warmth of the sun again!!  Even though it brings the hope of fishing every day much to my dismay!

 We live within a short walk of a great creek but I still find it hard to let him go on his own.  I am sure he is hoping I soon lighten up a little bit. 

 He had a couple of friends over on Saturday to celebrate with him.  Something transpired that made me so incredibly proud of him!  It proved to me that his heard is extremely kind even though I have a hard time seeing past all the foibles.  Why is it so easy for me to only see the areas of character that need tweaked?  I find myself frequently telling him I am sorry if we are too hard on him or expect to much.  I am still figuring this parenting thing out (pretty sure you never completely figure it out).  He is growing and changing and sometimes I have to do a double-take when he enters a room.  Or when he sidles up next to me in the kitchen and offers to help with dinner.  Other times I am confused by the attitude that is starting to show that has never been a part of him before.  Or the tense jaw when he is upset.  When did he start changing into a young man?  With opinions that need to be listened to.  And hurts that are real.  And misconceptions that aren't based on truth and need to be readjusted.  This parenting thing is tricky business. 

Over the past year he has really seemed to enjoy taking pictures.  He will ask to use the camera and I find beautiful treasured when I download them.  Like the picture of this butterfly.  Must be his artistic flair showing up.

I love this boy and I sure hope we can navigate these next years decently well.  He is a treasure and I love him dearly!

My Littliest Man

I have this sweet little boy who stole my heart a long time ago.  I love his uniqueness. 

He has a birthday in July but he is already planning what he would like to get for presents and which friends he wants to invite to a little party.  So far he has asked for some legos, a libman's wet mop (so he can clean whenever he wants) and some hand sanitizer.  Too funny!  The best part was when I told him he didn't have to wait until his birthday for the mop.  He asked if we could go right away to buy one! 

Tonight he wasn't feeling the best.  He came to me at one point and asked, "Am I not feeling well?"  I told him he had to figure that out himself.  He touched his head and said, "There is a really cold spot on my forehead that is probably only 95 point something degrees.  So I will just touch it until it gets warm."

Right now he is eating his nightly snack of apple slices and getting ready for me to read Charlotte's Web to him.  What a boy!

What Do You Do.....

 What do you do on an extra long weekend when over half of your kids are under the weather?  We spent lots of time resting on the couch with favorite blankies.

 We did lots and lots and lots of laundry because of one sweet little peanuts ability to poop through her diaper every single time.  Many times a day!  But she sure does like to help with folding the clean laundry.

 We built forts and played with babies.

 Playdough was rolled out......

 Staying hydrated was high priority.....

 More games of stratego than we can count were played.  As well as yahtzee, cribbage, wii, uno and scrabble slam.

 Extra snuggling was in order.

 A superhero had to stop by....

 Stories were read by Shane.

 One migraine was survived and defeated!

 Coloring fun pages from pbs kids. 

And extra naps to help beat the virus that keeps circulating.  As the doctor said to me today, "Well, you do basically have a day care."  Ha!  Wasn't sure if I thought it was funny or was a bit offended.  I think some of both!  And lest you think things were just lovely over the past few days there was also fighting.  Lots of fighting! 

A Few Thoughts

We are in the throes of multiple sick children but at this point I am convinced we will survive.  The one thing I like when my children are under the weather (call me a weirdo) is that they are extra snuggly.  Obviously everything in them slows down and I enjoy those tender moments with them. But as I have held Naomi for hours on end over the past 3 days my heart began to really ache.  It started out as a dull pain but came full circle today leaving me in tears.  I know I can be a little dramatic at times and the fatigue doesn't help.  But this is a legitimate pain that I can't really fix.

At this point I am choosing to keep a lot of Eden & I's struggle private simply because who wants the world to know all your business?  I will say though we have started therapy and it has already been life changing!  Fruit is already being born and we are so very grateful God helped us find this therapist.  And I really give Him credit with bringing her into our life.  For within 2 weeks of me actively praying and seeking someone pointed me in her direction.  I desperately wanted a therapist who not only practiced from a professional standpoint but also from personal experience.  Seemed like an impossible request but I was sure this fell under the "Nothing is impossible with God" category. Turns out our therapist is an adoptive mother herself!  How awesome, right?

It has been very difficult, draining, painful and oh so life giving!  Hearing things like "profound neglect" in reference to your precious child is very hard though.  Sitting and absorbing words like profound neglect and knowing there is nothing you could have done to prevent it.  I have felt a myriad of emotions this week as I have wrestled with those two words.  Anger that children experience such deep neglect that it actually affects the neurochemistry of their brain.  Frustration that we couldn't have prevented this from happening.  And most recently just a deep sadness.  I know Eden was sick a lot before we arrived in Ethiopia.  She had experienced malnutrition, was parasite ridden, had multiple bouts of pneumonia and when we arrived had an upper respiratory infection.  How much of the time she was uncomfortable and in pain was she held?  Comforted? Loved?  Probably not a whole lot.  As I have held Naomi over the past few days she has locked eyes with me for long periods of time.  Just looking and searching my eyes.  She is learning that my eyes are ones of love!  Something Eden is still learning.  We verbally talk about what she sees in my eyes so she can start recognizing the emotion that is there.  Something we take for granted, right?

I won't take it for granted anymore.  I let Naomi look and look in my eyes over the past couple of days. I have whispered to her how much I love her, how I am sorry she has lost her first mother, how I pray God is already touching her little heart.......

I sat with Eden tonight on my bed and snuggled her close.  Some things can never be undone but I am believing they can begin to heal.  I am watching it begin to happen in my relationship with my beautiful daughter.  What an entrustment God gives us when He blesses us with children, eh?

Finally....

 I am able to upload pictures again finally!!  I was beginning to lose hope that I would ever be able to post pictures again.  I realized though that I have been pretty pathetic in the whole picture taking department lately.  Since I was pleasantly surprised to find I could upload pictures I am in the middle of a myriad of other things at the moment.  But I had to throw a few out there.  Here is Eden holding a gift from our friend Ellen who is trying to corrupt her and make her like the Steelers. 

 Naomi happy as always!

 She sure does love her daddy and gets crazy loud when he walks in the room to get his attention!  Pretty cute if you want my opinion.

 Pretty sure either Eden or Heidi took this pictures.  She is a climber and a problem solver.  She figures out what she wants and how to reach it.  It is a team effort at this house to keep track of her and keep her out of trouble.

 Shane had his 10th birthday over the weekend even though I am positive he can't possibly be ten already!  Mark and I took him out for his birthday date on Friday evening.  He is pretty predictable: dinner and bowling!  On Saturday he had a few friends over to celebrate with us.  He has such a great group of friends!  There was lots of running around outside, playing madden football on the wii, stratego games and laughter.  There was one ugly skirmish between our two older boys but everything was fine within a few minutes.  The beauty of boys!  Had it been a fight between girls that age we would probably still be talking and processing days later.

I have one little girl (Heidi) who is sick on the couch today.  She started vomiting last evening at bedtime and declared to me around 2:00 this morning that she was dying!  Poor little thing!  She hasn't vomited today at all but is loosing things at a great rate at the other end.  She is drinking her gatorade and resting as I pay bills, balance checkbooks and wash bedding in between bathroom trips.  I am hoping she is an isolated case in our house but am pretty sure that is wishful thinking. 

A New Year

I haven't gotten lost but have just been a wee bit busy.  I have gotten better at not comparing myself to other women but sometimes I do wonder how other women keep up with the demands of their family and still have energy to run marathon's, hold a job, have a clean home......There are a few things stacked against me that are jeopardizing my energy levels but hopefully within the next few months those areas will improve. 

I started out this new year taking some long, hard looks at life (my life in particular) and decided it was time for me to take the reigns instead of being run by my life?  Make sense?  Now there are things I still have no control over such as the many doctor and dentist appointments.  It takes a lot of effort and visits to keep everyone up to date on all their check-ups.  Of course there are the everyday tasks of laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, having healthy snacks for the kids when they get home, etc.  But after all the necessary things are out of the way it was time for me to be more purposeful with how my time was being managed and spent.  More time on the floor playing games with my rapidly growing family, more time spent reading and digesting the Word, more time spent reading books on my "to read" list, getting myself regular time to exercise which will in turn produce a healthier and more enjoyable person.  Introspection and self-examination is always so good for me even if it can be a bit uncomfortable.  So far I feel like the "goals" I have set for myself are realistic and overall a long time in coming!

I have some sweet pictures to upload but have been trying for days to get blogger to work for me and it hasn't yet.  Not sure if it is me (very possible) or blogger (also possible but less likely).  Since I posted last we have had some fun happenings at this house.

First, Naomi became a legal and forever part of our family!  It was a wonderful early morning hearing at the county courthouse on December 20th when we gave our brief testimony and a judge placed his signature on our adoption decree.  Couldn't have asked for a better Christmas gift!  And I am extremely frustrated that I haven't been able to share those pictures with you.  We are so grateful for her life and are excited to celebrate her first birthday soon!  She is still the sweetest little thing even though she is reverting back to her night time partying habits.  Last night we had some good quality time from 3:00-5:30am.

Of course there was Christmas which is always a big event.  We usually do one gift from Santa to keep the intrigue of St. Nicholas alive here.  Eden came home from school one day and informed me that one of her friends told her Santa isn't real.  I asked her how her friend knew and she said that she looked it up on the Internet.  Who knows, maybe it's the same friend that sang the lyrics of a wonderful song to Eden "I'm sexy and I know it."  Eden wanted to know what that meant and her older brothers simply told her it is just not appropriate.  We try to avoid the whole good and bad issue and just say things aren't inappropriate so they don't assume people are bad if they make different choices than maybe we are comfortable with.  A while later I heard Eden say, "I'm sexy and I know it.  Oh wait!  No, I'm not!" 

We had what felt like an eternal snow storm!  At least it felt eternal to this mother who had almost a solid six days with Mark gone over Christmas vacation.  The kids were wonderful though and they spent hours out in the snow.  The time they spent outside gave me some much needed quiet moments.  Heidi had fever for the five days following Christmas so we hunkered down and made the most of it!

Eden lost a tooth this week and Naomi got her upper 2 front teeth.  Tristan informed Eden that although there are boy tooth fairies we have a girl tooth fairy.  Who knew?

I overheard Tristan ask Naomi recently if she speaks English or Espanol.  We raise bilingual children, you know.

Last week driving in the car Heidi and I had the following conversation:

H: Mom, why did God make us?
M: Because He wanted us to be His friends.
H: Oh......
M: Do you want to be His friend, Heidi?
H: No!  I don't want to share my things!! 

We raise honest kids too!

Hopefully I will get this whole picture (or lack thereof) conundrum figured out because I have some really, cute pictures!