A Few Thoughts

We are in the throes of multiple sick children but at this point I am convinced we will survive.  The one thing I like when my children are under the weather (call me a weirdo) is that they are extra snuggly.  Obviously everything in them slows down and I enjoy those tender moments with them. But as I have held Naomi for hours on end over the past 3 days my heart began to really ache.  It started out as a dull pain but came full circle today leaving me in tears.  I know I can be a little dramatic at times and the fatigue doesn't help.  But this is a legitimate pain that I can't really fix.

At this point I am choosing to keep a lot of Eden & I's struggle private simply because who wants the world to know all your business?  I will say though we have started therapy and it has already been life changing!  Fruit is already being born and we are so very grateful God helped us find this therapist.  And I really give Him credit with bringing her into our life.  For within 2 weeks of me actively praying and seeking someone pointed me in her direction.  I desperately wanted a therapist who not only practiced from a professional standpoint but also from personal experience.  Seemed like an impossible request but I was sure this fell under the "Nothing is impossible with God" category. Turns out our therapist is an adoptive mother herself!  How awesome, right?

It has been very difficult, draining, painful and oh so life giving!  Hearing things like "profound neglect" in reference to your precious child is very hard though.  Sitting and absorbing words like profound neglect and knowing there is nothing you could have done to prevent it.  I have felt a myriad of emotions this week as I have wrestled with those two words.  Anger that children experience such deep neglect that it actually affects the neurochemistry of their brain.  Frustration that we couldn't have prevented this from happening.  And most recently just a deep sadness.  I know Eden was sick a lot before we arrived in Ethiopia.  She had experienced malnutrition, was parasite ridden, had multiple bouts of pneumonia and when we arrived had an upper respiratory infection.  How much of the time she was uncomfortable and in pain was she held?  Comforted? Loved?  Probably not a whole lot.  As I have held Naomi over the past few days she has locked eyes with me for long periods of time.  Just looking and searching my eyes.  She is learning that my eyes are ones of love!  Something Eden is still learning.  We verbally talk about what she sees in my eyes so she can start recognizing the emotion that is there.  Something we take for granted, right?

I won't take it for granted anymore.  I let Naomi look and look in my eyes over the past couple of days. I have whispered to her how much I love her, how I am sorry she has lost her first mother, how I pray God is already touching her little heart.......

I sat with Eden tonight on my bed and snuggled her close.  Some things can never be undone but I am believing they can begin to heal.  I am watching it begin to happen in my relationship with my beautiful daughter.  What an entrustment God gives us when He blesses us with children, eh?