Wow!

So...this summer is not turning out like I anticipated. Stupid unrealistic expectations once again! You know the expectations I mean? Fun everyday, non-stop laughter, memories being made....fact is life continues pretty much as it always does. And it has taken me this long to be relatively okay with that. I have spent most of my days this summer feeling like a bad mom, wondering why my kids enjoy getting on each others' nerves, feeling weary of the work load, etc.

And you know what else? This really is the stage of life I am in so I need to learn to embrace and deal with it. I have three younger children that are knee deep in character training, who are still learning the basics of what is expected of them and who need to get their bedtime back to a sane hour! Rested children are better equipped to deal with the purposeful antagonizing behaviour of their sibling. They still scream but the decibel level isn't as piercing and it only lasts for a brief time instead of what feels like hours. Usually.

Mark and I had a night away last week and we were so excited to have some quiet moments! It was so nice to just have time to meander around and not feel rushed to get back home. We found ourselves by the next morning both looking at each other and voicing almost simultaneously that we just wanted to be home. We love the home God has blessed us with and the children He has entrusted to us. And we just wanted to be home enjoying both blessings! I will admit - this afternoon amidst the continuous fighting of my children I wondered why I was in a rush to get back over the weekend! I told Mark that maybe we should invest in getting a punching bag for me so that on days when I feel like I am going to blow my top that I could just spend a few minutes getting my frustration out on the bag! Honestly, today I felt like if I could just throw something I would feel better. But then I realized that I would have to explain all of my improper actions to my kids (as if my grumpy face wasn't enough) so I opted to tell them I wanted some time alone to get my head clear. Everyone seemed okay with that except for Eden - she took it personally. So my time alone included one very antsy girl trying to lay quietly beside me.

At the end of the day things become a little more clear. That the intricate workings of a family boil down to this: learning to lay down your life, die to your desires and embrace serving each other. And today I really didn't want to do any of them. That is the awful truth! So now the show the kids were watching is over, Tristan has finally decided to eat his dinner (at 7:30), I have processed my ugliness(thank you for listening), Heidi somehow has Frank Sinatra Christmas music blaring which actually makes me happy and it is time for popsicles!