Shane is First

So, when you have multiple children how do you decide who to spotlight first? Do you go oldest to youngest or vice versa? Do you randomly pick? I am kind of weird about things like this. So I wrote all of my children's names down on separate papers, folded them and will pick one everyday. How's that for attempting to be fair?

Shane Andrew. He is the meaning of his name - "A gift from God" & "strong man". He is sensitive, helpful, sugary sweet as well as bull-headed and so stubborn. He will play for hours with the little ones helping them with whatever is frustrating them. He is tuned in to their needs in a way that is almost not normal for a 6 year old. I am amazed on a daily basis by how intuitive he is.

Along with all his sweetness comes an inner strength that is crazy!! It will serve him so well later in life if we can continue to teach him how to respect the authority in his life. His personality is such that he needs to feel in control of his life so we try to word things in a way that he is making decisions instead of us just making demands. The moment he feels like we are not giving him a choice the war begins. I told him recently that one of his greatest gifts is the inner strength that God has given him. I explained to him that he is definitely a leader (very evident) but with our greatest strength also comes our greatest weakness. I explained that the weakness typically found in a strong man (or woman) is their inability to listen to others. They feel like they know what is best and they have a hard time hearing from others - whether it be a parent, a boss, a teacher, a spouse, a friend and most importantly God. He seemed to grasp some of it. I told him that I love his strength but he needs to be willing to let us teach him when it is appropriate to exert it.

We made the decision to home school him one more year. We felt like there was still a disconnect with him somewhere - that our hearts weren't meshing completely. I have seen a few things happen since Judah has gone to school. He has become super, super talkative with me during the day. To the point of making me almost nuts! He has never been a talker. And that is simply because Judah talks enough for the whole family most of the time. So he is becoming much more of a communicator which I didn't even realize was lacking until now. He also has become very affectionate with me which I love. We are spending time together everyday both in doing his schoolwork and I am also trying to do something fun with him on a daily basis. While we have seen improvement we have also encountered some not so fun things over the past weeks.

Take for instance last week. When I say Shane has a super strong will I am not in any way kidding. Last Wednesday at 8:30 I said it was time to start his school work. We sat on the couch to do his reading and he said, "I will read the whole story except for the first page." It started out as a bit of a joke. I said, "Well....I didn't ask you if you wanted to read the story. This is something you need to do for school so just get started." He preceded to tell me he was not going to read the first page. Now...just so we are all on the same page (no pun intended) there were only two sentences on the first page. I had him sit at the kitchen table and I said, "When you are ready to read just let me know." Two hours later Tristan and Eden ask for a snack so I am getting them a snack when Shane asks for one too. I said, "I would love to get you a snack Shane. But I am going to need you to do your reading first." I thought for sure this would motivate him. Nooooo!!! Twelve o'clock rolls around. By now he had been sitting with nothing to do for 3 1/2 hours except stare at his reading book. His reading would have taken him 15 minutes. I called Mark and asked him if I was being unreasonable and he assured me that I was not. I said to Shane, "I just want to make sure you understand I am not saying you may not eat. I am just saying you need to start and complete your reading first." He completely understood. We sat at the table to eat lunch and the whole time Shane was sitting there glaring at me omitting the occasional growl or something that sounded like a growl. So I had him sit on the couch while we ate our lunch and he actually fell asleep. We ended up having to pick Judah up from school to take him to a dentist appointment and we arrived home about 4:30. He hadn't eaten since 7:00 that morning!! He finally did his reading at 5:00, sat up with the family for dinner and was quite proud of the fact that he had completed his reading. He held out for 8 1/2 hours!!! I was completely emotionally exhausted by the end of the day. It took all the strength in me to go about my day acting like everything was fine and I wasn't frustrated with him. The whole time I was out of my mind frustrated with him!!! I know at one point he could see my frustration so I removed myself from the kitchen and went downstairs. I don't know how he knew I was frustrated. Maybe it had something to do with me putting the dishes in the dishwasher with a lot of gusto and basically slamming the dishwasher door! Ahhh!!!

All that to say this: he has a will of iron. If he doesn't want to try what we are having for dinner he will choose not to eat for the rest of the day. The whole "you need to try a bite" doesn't work for him. Usually. But yesterday I saw two different instances where he submitted his will and I was so encouraged. He was doing an assessment test on reading/comprehension and they can take a while. Half-way through he was not going to do anymore. I thought oh great! Here we go again. After 10 minutes he reluctantly completed the test without any complaining. And then again last evening at dinner time. I made lasagna and he wasn't choosing not to eat. No problem. He sat at the table happily and talked with us as we ate. About 15 minutes after we were finished eating he decided he would eat some lasagna. What??? He sat up, ate a big helping, jumped down and went on his merry way! Two times in one day when he responded in a way that is not typical for him. I find encouragement in that! Now some may say, "oh...you shouldn't have let him come back after you were all finished eating." I say, "are you kidding? He never complies and eats something after determining he doesn't want it. I will let him eat it whenever he wants as long as he finally eats some dinner."

Mark is sure he would be a great in acquisitions and negotiations. He would have no problem walking away if he didn't get what he wanted. So true!! I am convinced he will not be a follower but will instead walk with integrity and lead. Of course that is if we can continue to teach him when it is appropriate to exert his will power.

He informed me two nights ago after seeing a slew of pictures of children in Sierra Leone who are orphaned, digging through trash for food, living in trash, etc. that he is going to adopt alot of children when he grows up! He has a hard time knowing there are children who have no one taking care of them and I have no doubt that he will be an advocate for the forgotten children of the world! It is in him! He is so tender. He asks often for us to adopt again.

I love this child!! I love his heart, his iron will, his tenderness and his tenacity. I pray often for wisdom to parent this one. I in no way want to squelch his strength. I know I am far from doing this perfectly with any of my children so I don't want anyone reading this to think I must hold it together all the time. That is far, far from the truth. My anger gets the best of me quicker than I would like to admit. When those days happen I try to start over new the next day by walking away from guilt, talking with whatever child I treated wrongly and making things right. I have to do this whole process quite often. Just wanted to throw in a disclaimer as I talk about my children that I am far from a perfect parent. In fact....I may as well start saving for their counseling/therapy fund.