Changes

My side kick has spread his wings and ventured off into a new world. Amidst an obscene amount of tears (from the mother). Seriously! The first day Shane went to school seemed eternal! He bounded off the bus with a huge smile and an, "I loved it!!" Which made me cry again since he didn't even seem to miss me. I think I have issues! Day two rolled around and suddenly school was horrible and he hated it. Or so he said when it came time to get on the bus. I will spare you the details since it is one of the worst mornings of my parental history but suffice it to say it ended with me bodily hauling him into school. Ugh! But he bounded off the bus that afternoon and has willingly woken up and gotten on the bus every morning since.

Hands down one of the most conflicted decisions we have ever made in regards to one of our children. Shane has always loved being home schooled! He is a home body by nature and needs lots of down time to operate well. He loves being with his younger siblings and is my right hand man! He is such a content young man! Something I have wanted so much to cultivate in our children but his natural tendency towards contentment has made it easy with him. I would say that is one of our biggest hesitancy's in putting him in school. That the constant stimulation and busy days would lessen his ability to self entertain.

Life just started feeling like it was stacking up and I was beginning to go under! So much to get done everyday and literally no time to just sit for a few minutes. Between schooling Shane and Tristan, paying bills, keeping up with the books for Mark's business, taking care of the house, etc it felt like too much! Now, I know there are some women that could manage and do it all well but I have come to accept that I am not that woman! I have compared and compared for far too long! I read blogs of other families with more children than us who seem to run everything perfectly while schooling their children but it wasn't running too smoothly anymore. I didn't feel like I was doing anything well but everything was being done sub-par. There was high stress and little peace.

I am incredibly grateful for a supportive husband who finally heard through all my jumble and helped make a good decision. And honestly, we have been blessed with some of the best teachers on the planet for our boys! Of that I am sure!! So accommodating, loving and encouraging!!

I still miss him everyday! Literally everyday!! But I have found that I am able to get all my work done throughout the day and then focus on the kids in the evening which has been awesome! I work with Tristan and Eden in the morning for a while on school work and then I dig into what needs to be done that day so that I am available to the boys when they come home. And I am able to focus on the rambunctious girls throughout the day! Change is always difficult but I have learned something about myself through all of this: I still compare myself too often with other people which makes it difficult to hear His voice. I need to care more about what He has called me to than anything else. So for now that is what I am working on in the midst of retrieving a little girl from the cupboards!