Sometimes I have a hard time getting the feelings/emotions that are swirling around internally to come out and make any sense on paper. I have again been wrestling with all we saw and were exposed to while in Ethiopia and what that means long term for not only me but our family. I talked before about what happens when you no longer just allow yourself to feel compassion but become fully engaged in the tragedy that happens on a daily basis around the world. When you project yourself into the lives of the mothers and fathers and imagine the tables being turned and you are the one forced to give your child away or they will starve, fall victim to abuse, contract HIV, it unlocks a grieving inside that you almost don't know how to process. At least I don't know how to process the feelings completely. Do I feel overwhelmed and like there is nothing I can do? No. But I do feel a sense of responsibility now that I never felt before. You do not just walk away from third world countries and continue on as normal - God has now given me a responsibility to do something about what I witnessed.
Mark and I have talked often about what this will look like long term for us. While we have talked about adoption again I kind of put that dream down upon learning of our pregnancy. Yet....I can't help but wonder if possibly someday......but I'll get to that.
On Sunday morning our pastor was speaking about the forgotten and hopeless of the world - children in particular. Last year he challenged us all to give 1% of our annual income at Christmas to give to the different orphanages we sponsor in Myanmar, Dominican Republic, Rwanda, etc. I guess the average American Christian gives 1/2 of a percent of their annual income to help the poor. He wanted to double that percentage and see what we could do. Over $120,000 was given and we have helped many lives of children as a result. We are back to that time of year and want to do more than last year. At least that would be my desire. Did you know that over 8,500,000 children under the age of five have died this year already due to poverty related illnesses? These are treatable illnesses! Go to www.emptytomb.org to see the number change hourly....it is quite sobering. So..I was back to "what can we do and what is our responsibility?" Adoption is a piece, sponsoring children is another piece, micro-lending for widows and families is another piece, giving a portion of money to help build another home in Rwanda so more young men can come off the streets is a piece, education is a piece....there are so many pieces!
Mark and I talked and mulled things over different times on Sunday and were somewhat amazed at how the Lord had been speaking so similarly to both of us. But why should we be surprised?! Then Sunday evening rolls around. We had watched some football and decided to swing on over and see what was happening on Extreme Home Makeover - which I enjoy but think the extravagance could be toned down a bit. The family they were featuring was amazing. Long story short this couple had three biological sons and went on a missions trip to Haiti. While there they fell in love with a sibling group and decided to adopt - the sibling group was 5 boys!!! Bringing their total number of sons to 8. But they didn't stop there - they adopted three more boys domestically from their city of Toledo! Eleven sons!!! Think about that people. I sat there with tears and a huge knot in my throat. Why, you ask? People who go against the norm always inspire me and cause me to dream the what if's. As we are watching the show Judah and Shane ask us, "When are we going to adopt again?" I looked at them and said, "You want to adopt again? Even though we are going to have 5 kids in our family soon?" Their immediate response, "Yes!!!" They want to adopt some boys from Africa who don't have a family. I was blown away. I so often feel like I am not meeting their needs, that they have to feel sidelined, that they must resent more children, etc. etc. Turns out that they are starting to understand, maybe even more than I am understanding, that life isn't only about them.
Now...I will admit that we have talked about "in the future" possibly adopting an older child. A child that has slim hope of being adopted because they are past the age of 5. Seems crazy, right? We will have 5 children already. We look out of place and not normal when we go out in public. But what is normal? Maybe we will create our own normal. And don't get all excited people - I mean Future. As in a few years from now. I must say though if our agency called tomorrow and said that Eden's brother had been relinquished we wouldn't get the chance to wait a few years. Because we would want to bring him home and have them together.
All this rambling and what is the point? Simply this: We are wrestling right now with how best to utilize the resources God has given us to make them stretch as far as possible to help as many children as possible.
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