Conflicted

I am finding myself some what conflicted lately. On a few different levels. First, the most trivial thing being this: my blog. Do people want to read about the antics of my children? Do they really care if my child lifts her shirt in public to squeeze her nipples and make her mother blush? Do they find the fact that my little boy thinks a silent fart really is something altogether different than flatulence? (he thinks his butt is blowing for those of you who haven't heard the hilarious story) Do they want less posts about adoption? Do they tire of hearing my angst about all the orphans?

Here is what I have concluded: these are two of my dearest passions in life. My children?family and the orphan! So, I will continue to blog about both. How is that for conflict resolution? Not too shabby!!

The second conflict is more of an internal/heart conflict. And it revolves around adoption. I am a huge proponent of adoption which you have gathered if you have read my blog for any length of time. I read some really horrible things last week from a fairly well-known man in ministry that had me seething! They were said out of ignorance and are non-Biblical to the core!! This is what was said: "Never adopt children even close to the age of your own. You should be past child-bearing age, and your children should be at least 10-15 years older than your adopted kids. I don't think there is any such thing as an orphanage raised child who has not been a participant in sexual participation. If you are older and your kids are grown, it is a wonderful, full-time ministry to adopt foreign kids. You will experience heartache, possible failure, but you may just save a soul from sure destruction. But if there is failure, at least your kids will not go down with them." - Michael Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries. There was another statement very similar to taking care of foster children. I was in shock! I am not a regular reader of his opinions but this one garnered quite a bit of attention and outrage of course.

So I read those things, the response of many adoptive families and was unhappy that yet again fear was being cast into potential adoptive parents hearts.

Very shortly after I read those statements a woman who has spoken such truth from her blog about life and adoption started sharing their heart wrenching journey as of late. They are walking through an adoption disruption right now and it has just shattered their hearts! I can't explain what started happening internally because I still don't know. I am crying now just writing these words. Every time I think about their family I cry. For the pain, the hurt, the way they will be judged, their feelings of failure, etc. I cry for their little boy who is now someone else's little boy. Their story seemed to almost confirm the previous statement made about adoption being a bad idea with young children in the home. And it made me angry. The enemy is hard at work seeking to destroy lives! And when something happens to instill fear into people's hearts the enemy gains even more ground!

I started feeling fear. Which, by the way, from here on out is dubbed the F word!! Fear, as you know, in my life has been a huge battle!! It seeks to silence me. It seeks to make me doubt the power of my God! It seeks to make me incapable of fighting the good fight that I have been exhorted to fight!! I started hearing things like "what if someone you have encouraged to adopt walks through something like this family - can you even imagine how they would blame you for their pain?" and "you better never tackle adoption again - just play it safe" and other obnoxious things!

I have been renewing my mind by just grabbing the Word and reading every chance I get. Little snippets through-out the day to keep my saturated in the truth. And the truth is that adoption still is the core of God's heart. It is! It is a picture of salvation, of redemption, of laying down your life, of being rejected.......of being picked up, over and over and over. And you know what else? We aren't supposed to play it safe - we just aren't!! I have been reading the New Testament and I haven't found one verse yet that says to make sure you are safe. I just can't find it anywhere. There is a lot of mention of persecution though of that I can assure you. It is our nature to avoid conflict, avoid pain. It just isn't comfortable and comfortable is so much easier than pain.

So that is some of my conflict. One thing I know about my Father - He is generous with me. He is okay with me taking some time to question, search for the answer and seek Him out!

And talking about seeking......is anyone seeking a sweet little boy? Remember Sasha? He still needs a family and it is getting to the critical stage. After he reaches the age of 4 he will be institutionalized and we do not even want to go there right now! I can't think about his smile being snuffed out forever. Can't think about him spending every moment of every day without human touch and stuck in a crib. He was created for love! He was created for His Creator! He is precious! Are you his mom or dad? Are you his family? If you aren't will you help spread the word?