mymusings-becky

Grocery Store Conversations

2012-01-30T19:41:00.002-05:00

While some of you will find this humorous I am simply writing this out so I can remember this grocery shopping trip forever! The vast range of topics while shopping with a little girl is quite astounding! And the energy with which she shops is also astounding!

I don't even know if I would classify Eden's chatter as a conversation as it was pretty much one sided. I may or may not have caught a glimpse of what Mark must feel like on any given day. Lots of chatter and equally as many topics! It went something like this:

Eden: "I think Hannah is going to look so cute when she gets married. Do you think I will go to the wedding?"
Me: "Of course! We will all go to the wedding to see Aunt Hannah get married."
Eden: "Someday a big boy will want to marry me and give me a ring. Where do you think I will live when I get married? And then I will have a baby. Where do you think I will live when I have a baby?" The questions kept coming in rapid succession and I have forgotten them unfortunately.

We saw a beautiful African American woman at the store who was really done up nice! Eden kept looking at her when we would pass her and I wondered what she was thinking. Didn't have to wait too long.

Eden: "I like how she shakes her butt when she walks."
Me: "Huh?"
Eden: "Well her butt is pretty big and when she walks it shakes!" Complete with hand motions showing me just how large she thought her backside was. I really tried to avoid her in the remaining aisles in hopes that Eden would keep her opinions quiet. Although it was all I could do to not laugh out loud.

Eden: "That guy is really old. He can't even stand up straight." Lord have mercy and just get me out of the store already.

Eden: "God created everything! And He lives in our hearts, right? Jesus is God's Son, right? And Jesus is also a present for us, right?"

Eden: "I can't wait to go to Hannah's wedding! I will give her a hug there. "

And then she came home and informed her brothers that they would be going to Aunt Hannah's wedding. And so we talked about weddings again for a very long time. She has been to one wedding and it left a huge impression on her. Watching her Aunt Hannah get married will be a huge deal to her!

I know I am forgetting a lot of things but the main thing to her was Aunt Hannah's wedding! Which is quite a while from now so I am sure we are going to rapidly reach the point where it is no longer that endearing to talk about wedding stuff! We also stopped at the doctor for him to recheck her. Her lungs sound crystal clear and her ears are good! Pneumonia and infections are gone! Woohoo!!

Birthdays and More

2012-01-29T15:18:00.003-05:00

The first order of business is letting you all know we are up and running again at this house. It was hands down two of the craziest weeks we have had in a long time. And quite possible ranks as the craziest two weeks of all time! Within 4 days this week we had the following: Judah in the ER all night with a virus that seemed to center on his liver. Shane diagnosed with asthma so the medicine regimen has begun and we are already seeing results. Thank you Jesus! Tristan with zero appetite and an ear infection. Eden with a raging double ear infection as well as pneumonia. Heidi with just fever and crabbiness! Judah's liver enzyme levels are back to normal (whoot), Eden seems to be much better and overall order seems to be returning. We have spent quite a bit of quality time with the doctor this week with a few more appointments over the next week and a half to follow up with Eden and Shane. So thankful at this point for medicine that has helped us all recover relatively unscathed!

We celebrated a birthday in the midst of everyone being sick which is always fun! This is Shane's last year in the single digits. We can all shed a tear over the fact that my boys seem to be turning into young men right in front of my eyes! Shane has had some attitude issues lately which we are hoping he is reserving for us and not his teacher or classmates at school. I told him today I am about to sit on him in hopes that all his internal frustrations and attitudes will leave him in one giant fart as I squeeze the air out of him! He told me he hopes it stinks. I assured him that if it smells at all like his stinky attitude lately it will not disappoint in the smell category! Someone help!!

He chose his favorite past time of bowling for his birthday date with Mark and I. We took him out for dinner and then to the lanes for a couple of games. I chose to sit the games out and watch this time since a majority of that day I had been in the bathroom spending quality time with the toilet. He refused to cooperate with my attempts at photographing his date so I have nothing but a few blurry pictures as he dodged the camera! He is still my sweet boy who loves to snuggle on the couch! He is an absolute treasure and a young man who has the tenderest of hearts that we pray continues to be soft and pliable in the Father's hands!

And then there is Heidi who is determined to dress herself most days in the most interesting of combinations. On Monday when I took her to the doctor she chose to wear leopard print pants with blue/yellow striped shorts over top of them. I am past the point of caring what people really think of how my children are dressed. Then I went to Target a few days later and realized that mix-matched prints and colors is the new thing! Heidi is on top of her game after all! She is cutting edge and I just didn't know.

Sisters! If only they always hugged and looked this sweet. Wouldn't that be nice?

Have I said lately how much I love having little girls? This little lady is almost enough to make you rethink your position on having more children. Except for the antagonistic streak that seems to fuel her interactions with her siblings. She is a hand full at this stage of her little life.

We are doing well and enjoying the strange weather this winter. Although I find my heart already yearning for spring. I watched the birds in our yard this morning and could almost feel spring. I know we have a lot of winter to endure yet but before long my kids will be running out the door in their bare feet to run free! I am dreaming of my garden, getting my hands in the soil, hanging laundry on the line, throwing frisbee, breathing deep and being energized by the newness of life that comes with spring!

My confession of the day is this: an almost suffocating desire to breathe in the beautiful Ethiopian air! Maybe it is knowing my mother is going to be there within 2 weeks with my brother. Maybe it is feeling an undeniable stirring that we may have another child in that beautiful land. More than anything it is a desire to experience again the simplicity of living life without all the stuff that clutters and consumes my life. Unless you have experienced the beauty that comes from people who have nothing yet smile in the face of uncertainty you cannot grasp how simply we can live and still be fulfilled! Stuff, things, homes, clothes, latest fashion.....none of it is lasting. People, relationships, children.....this is where life is found! I just love the people of Ethiopia and cannot wait to return. I have this feeling it will be sooner rather than later.

It really hit me again on Sunday morning as Judah and I were leaving the hospital and we saw the big old news vans in the parking lot. I knew Joe Paterno was on the brink of death and almost a stone's throw away from the hospital is the huge stadium that was built in large part due to his commitment to his players and the university. The reality was so vivid to me in that moment. He has left an amazing legacy and impacted more people than can be counted. The huge stadium is testament to his work. And this is cliche' and we have heard it a million times. But it all stayed here as he left this world for eternity. When we stand before God it is not about what we have managed to amass. It is all about how we have loved others, given to others and served them! May I be found faithful on my day of passing!

The Sick House

2012-01-24T11:16:00.002-05:00

Normally we sail through winter dodging the major flu bugs and illnesses that seem to make their rounds. We have our occasional ear infection and a smattering of colds but nothing that warrants too many doctor visits. We have been to the doctor so much lately that yesterday the doctor joked with me about us having our own personal room with pictures of the kids faces on the different colored flags outside the door. He said we wouldn't even have to call to make an appointment. Just come in, pick out which kid needed to be checked, flip out their flag and wait for him to come in.

There has been so much sickness in this house over the past week that I can't even remember the timeline of things anymore. Suffice it to say that I am getting quite tired. I will highlight the main things. The three younger ones started with high fevers about 10 days ago. The fever only lasted for a little over 24 hours but they also got awful, gross looking sores on their tongues. The sores made it difficult and nearly impossible to eat. About the time they all started seeming better Mark got hit with a nasty flu bug. Or so we thought. Today is day 7 for him and it is the first day that he has felt even a tinge of energy. Throw in 2 different snow storms in the middle of Mark not feeling well and he was pretty run down.

Thursday of last week Judah started running fever and having diarrhea. By Saturday night he was having severe stomach pains that were waking him up. I was waiting for Mark to get home from plowing (he had left at 4:00 that morning) and about the time he got home Judah vomited a lot! His pain continued even after the huge puke fest so I loaded him up and headed to the ER at 11:00. We arrived back home at 6:15 Sunday morning. Fun times pulling an all nighter at the ER in their uncomfortable chairs. After having numerous tests to rule out appendicitis they found that his liver enzymes were very elevated. They didn't ever tell me what levels they were at. They just said they were alarmingly high! Awesome, right? He had a full Hep panel done and we got the results back today! Everything was negative!! So thankful. He will be rechecked tomorrow by the pediatrician and have blood work done to see how his liver is functioning. What they have concluded is he had a bad virus that attacked and inflamed his liver. He was also very dehydrated from such severe diarrhea so he had iv's during his hospital visit. He seems to be on the mend and is in school today! So very grateful he is doing better.

Rewind to yesterday. Heidi had a recheck on her ears since she had an ear infection a month ago. We sure do love the doctor!! Sunday night Eden and Tristan were both crying about their ears so it was decided they should also be checked. Tristan is a breath away from a double ear infection. We will watch him and if his fever gets higher than 101 I am going to call the doctor and he will just call in a script for him. He has a possible sinus infection too.

Eden was bouncing off the floors and walls quite literally while in the exam room. She didn't look an ounce of sick. I felt slightly crazy telling the doctor she had been crying the night before about her ear. She had just been in to see him a little over a week ago for a follow-up appointment after her asthma diagnosis a month ago. We walked out of the doctor's office yesterday with a little girl, who according to him and the help of some x-rays, had a raging double ear infection and significant pneumonia! Oh my goodness!! I almost cancelled her appointment because she didn't look remotely sick. He looked equally as dumb founded after checking her.

Those are some of the highlights. Today I am running a low grade fever which doesn't surprise me at all!! There hasn't been an abundance of sleep for me over the past week. I am the only one that has come through things relatively unscathed which is only God's grace! I do think we are through the worst of it and are on the upside of things. Although Shane is home today with a low grade fever and stomach pains. I thought he was over his sickness!

The doctor told me yesterday that for a mom of 5 sick kids and 1 sick husband I was remarkably cool, calm and collected. I told him that at 5:30 Sunday morning in the ER I so badly wanted to cry. I was so very tired and knew in that moment that I could either laugh or cry at the situation. I chose to laugh at the absurdity of it all. I may still end up crying at some point but up until now I have literally felt sustained by God's grace! Cannot say thank you enough to all who have offered to help in whatever way we need help! It is so encouraging to see the Body at work!

A Good Mix

2012-01-18T20:05:00.003-05:00

We have been battling fevers, colds and a strange virus that produces sores on tongues for the past week. Now the flu bug seems to have hit the main man of the house much to my dismay. There are always bright moments in the midst of the yuck. And my bright moment has been Tristan's fascination with the whole phenomenon of puking. I guess it has been so long since someone has had the pukes that he doesn't really know what it is. He has been wanting to watch his dad vomit which I have strongly advised against. He wants to know what puke looks like. (his words not mine) He seems to prefer the word puke to the more socially acceptable word vomit.

On to the more fun parts of life and things I am thankful for:

* thankful that Judah, Shane and I have dodged the fever, flu and ugly tongue sores so far.

* kind of in shock that I have a child old enough to be seeing an orthodontist for a consultation.

* I love that my littlest guy comes to tell me that he just did a "God bless you."

* the excitement that is building on the eve of Shane's birthday. Everyone loves birthdays around here even when it isn't their own.

* hearing Eden say tonight that she wishes she were a boy and brown so that she could just get haircuts and not have to get her hair combed. (I think she likes being brown)

* God's provision in so many ways but especially in friendships

* thankful for friends who invite our loud and crazy crew to their house and act like we are normal. (we have seriously had like 5 invites recently)

* looking forward to a date night soon with my hubby thanks to the kindness of friends who have offered to watch our kids for us (this has happened before too)

So much to be thankful for and right now the main thing that I am thankful for is 5 children asleep in their beds and 1 husband asleep in his bed. And I think I will opt for the couch in hopes that I will avoid his lovely illness.

And lastly, tonight I pulled out a bad of Cheetos for Shane since he specifically asked for them for his birthday. I was planning on the kids snacking on them while we played Clue. I opened them, ate a few (or a few handfuls), put them on the table and then wanted to puke. Notice the theme here. Apparently we have a mouse in the downstairs pantry area that decided to chew a hole through the bag and help themselves. Unfortunately I was oblivious to this little rodents snack until I had eaten some. So gross!!! I will be buying a brand new bag for a happy and then suddenly disappointed boy!

Twins

2012-01-12T20:54:00.002-05:00

(This picture is 1 1/2 years old but one of my favorites!)

From the time I was a young girl I thought having twins would be wonderful. Clearly this was before I really understood how much work is involved with taking care of a baby. Fast forward quite a few years and I was experiencing pregnancy for the first time. We found ourselves in the doctors office one afternoon looking at an ultrasound screen and saw two little babies on the screen. I was shocked and elated! A week later we said good-bye to those two little ones. Miscarriage is a tricky road to navigate. And the pain was even greater as I had thought my dream of having twins was going to come true.

Fast forward 12 years and I have two sets of twins! Let me explain. In so many ways Tristan and Eden operate as twins. They are inseparable and spend most waking moments together. Sure there is fighting. But there is also plenty of laughter and play between the two of them. Never in our wildest dreams did we think we would have two so close in age when we started our adoption process. They are only 2-3 months apart even though their birthdays say otherwise.

Tonight they are having a sleep over in the girls room. This is becoming the routine around here. Eden usually makes a bed with blankets on the floor next to Tristan's bed and they have a sleep over. Tonight they wanted to do something different so he is tucked in between the girls beds. I may even end up sleeping in their room tonight since Heidi is running a fever and I am sure she will want me to sleep with her at some point. Which means over half the family will be in one bedroom tonight!! Who needs extra bedrooms?

I tell these two that they are twins just born six years apart. They too are pretty inseparable. Most nights as I tuck Shane in bed Heidi climbs in to snuggle with him.

She misses her Shane so very much while he is gone at school! When she sees him get off the bus she starts waving and calling for him! He gets the sweetest smile every time he sees her frantic waves.

Turns out I have blessed with twins more than once! Just a bit more unconventional. But blessed none the less!

4 Years Ago Today......

2012-01-09T18:39:00.003-05:00

....is the first I knew of this sweet babe's life. I remember every detail so vividly. Hard to believe we are celebrating this 4 year anniversary! I made sure to tell Eden the significance of today, take her hands and thank God for protecting her and preserving her life! She promptly apologized for "talking ugly" to me today for which I forgave her. Progress people!

My life has been changed far more than I could ever have imagined by Eden! And I am grateful for every single lesson I have learned. Feeling very blessed today!

A Mama and Her Girls

2011-12-31T13:38:00.005-05:00

A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend. - author unknown

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever - author unknown

A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer. - author unknown

Thank you Katie Troup for capturing me and my sweet girls! More grateful everyday that God saw fit to entrust me with two little girls! They are such fun! And give the most amazing hugs and snuggles! I would know since a little girl makes her way to our bed nearly every night to snuggle with her mama! And I am suddenly wanting to freeze time as I realize Heidi is closing in rapidly on her 3rd birthday! These days are fleeting and oh so fun! The girls have been in their bathing suits all day today as well as floaties, goggles and anything related to swimming! Messes galore but so are the giggles! Looking forward with anticipation to what we will encounter and discover over this next year!

*all the updated and beautiful pictures are the creative handiwork of Katie Troup! Thank you Katie!!

The After Christmas Post

2011-12-29T21:38:00.004-05:00

While most people in the blogosphere have spent this week writing eloquent and beautiful renditions of their picture perfect Christmas I have been trying to recover. Pathetic, right? I look forward to Christmas every year with so much anticipation and then the week following all the festivities I am tired. And I enter into a recovery mode. I hunker down, try to get my house back in order and attempt to enjoy every minute with the kids while they are on break. Key word is attempt! You would think by now I would be able to distinguish reality from unrealistic fancy notions. Kids are tired, out of sorts, trying to navigate hours of free time and it doesn't always go as well as I conjure up in my head. In fact, it rarely goes as I have planned. Someone whack me over the head already so I get it once and for all!

Once again I was amazed by how excited our kids were for each other as they opened gifts. I mean how many 8 year old boys are this thrilled when their sister opens up nail polish? And Ellen, this nail polish has been a huge hit! Good thinking!!

For the record Heidi had jammie pants on when we ventured downstairs to open gifts. I grabbed the camera, turned around and she already had shed her pants. She claimed she spilled some soda on her pants. Turns out she was right. How exactly did she get soda to drink at 7:30 in the morning? Oh yeah......her mother may or may not have put mini soda cans in all her children's stockings. You may go ahead and have my head checked to see if I am ok.

A boy and his football! Happy times!

A boy and his playmobil set. Happy child!

Another boy and his lego set. Another happy child!

A girl who insisted on wearing her hair unfettered, braided or controlled! Kind of mirrors her personality at times!

Overall we had a wonderful time! This week has been a little questionable but we have had some fun moments. I really need to learn that a large part of family life is squabbles and kerfuffles. But in all of it we are learning. At least I am.

Paying Tribute

2011-12-22T09:59:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I sat in a funeral service. The clouds hung low and seemed to weep along with the family and friends. Death is unavoidable yet seldom welcomed. Saying good-bye to a loved one seems to tear a piece of you away and get tucked into the ground along with their earthly body. Finding a new normal can seem impossible in the midst of such a gaping loss. My heart aches for my uncle!

The service was to pay tribute to my aunt. A wife, mother and friend of many. In these later years of her life her independence was robbed as her body was wracked by a debilitating muscular disease. The quick wit was harder to decipher yet was still at the ready. I spent many, many hours in their home as a child and this week the memories came in waves. Hours spent in a hammock on their porch, traipsing around their yard and woods, ice-skating on their pond, giggles as we ran through the house and meals at their table. Our imaginations ran wild as they do when you are a carefree child.

While I want to pay tribute to her life and how she lived to serve others my mind has strayed more often to my uncle. Yesterday as I spoke briefly with him one could not deny his undying affection for his wife. His eyes hardly left her face as he spoke with me. His hand resting gently on the blanket covering the shell of her body. A man who desperately is missing his beloved. And these years have not been easy for him. Retiring from his pediatric practice to become her primary care giver. He cared for her tirelessly. I am sure there were times he wished things were different. Can you really blame him? I get grumpy some days taking care of my children and they are fairly independent. Yet he cared for her like he promised 49 years ago. In sickness and in health. We let these words roll off our tongues so carelessly in our youth because really we are invincible. We never dream that for years we may have to care for them as their body wastes away.

As someone thanked him towards the end of the service for his devotion to her and his testimony of loving her I felt the hot tears finally spill from my eyes. Except they were tears of anger. The emotion came from nowhere and I felt somewhat blindsided. I muttered to Mark, "If only my father would have had half that devotion for my mom!" It has been nearly 11 years now of processing the anger and disappointment. And while most of the time you just accept things yesterday I felt the pangs again. Some wounds seem to carry only scabs and seem to have a hard time turning into a scar. Scars don't hurt when they are poked and prodded but scabs can tear and bleed again. My heart felt some tugging and I think a small section oozed yesterday.

Today I heard that my father verbally admitted to my uncle sometime over the past few days that he in fact does have some regret for how his life has played out. To which my uncle quickly responded, "I don't!" So grateful to my uncle that he has given of himself and has been spent on behalf of others and he doesn't regret it!

So, what I have been mulling over today is this: I want to live my life so at the end I can confidently proclaim that I have no regrets! I want to live and be spent so that I am emptied out at the end of my life. Poured out for others. Because isn't that the beauty of this Christmas season? The ultimate gift given for us, poured out for us so that we may live and in turn be poured out as well? At this point in my life most of my being spent and poured out is for my husband and children. May I embrace it with a sense of gratitude and grace! I don't want to pine away and wish for what could have been so that I miss the beauty of right now! May God richly bless you all this Christmas! Embrace these moments so that we too can state, "I have no regrets!"

Beauty

2011-12-20T12:46:00.002-05:00

A little over seven months ago I received a phone call from my friend asking me if I remembered a certain young lady that I had met only a time or two. I remembered her immediately. Turns out this young lady was pregnant, due in a few weeks and looking for a family to adopt her baby. Our name had come up and she wondered if we would be interested. I was confused as to why our first impulse was to say no but it became clear over time. One of my biggest hesitations at the time was there was too much familiarity between the birth mom and our family. Plus, the timing felt all wrong for us.

Within a few days as we prayed and kept talking we suddenly remembered a contact we had through my cousin. In the spring of 2010 my cousin contacted me and asked if good friends of theirs could possibly be in touch with us to talk about adoption. They were pursuing an Ethiopian at the time and we had many emails back and forth during those months. Fast forward to the spring of 2011 and there was a slowdown in Ethiopia. This couple felt led to withdraw from Ethiopia and pursue fostering to adopt. We "talked" via email a few times during this tumultuous time.

Now here we were in early May and suddenly I remembered this dear family - waiting and ready at a moments notice for the placement of a baby. I contacted them and told them of the situation asking if they would be interested in meeting the birth mom. Long story short we were the connecting piece! We were not supposed to be the parents and family for this dear little girl! We were just instrumental in helping to connect the pieces.

Why do I share all this with you today? Well, this morning Eden and I found ourselves at the courthouse to witness the finalization of this precious child's adoption! They were surrounded by friends and family and it was awesome! At one point there were 12 children present and 6 of them were adopted! It was simply amazing! And while I would love to show you pictures and divulge the God orchestrated details I cannot. Just trust me when I say that it was wonderful being there to witness the final legal step!

Congratulations to you dear family! One little girl received her new name today and we are thanking God for preserving her life! Give a shout out for the miracle and the gift of adoption today!!!

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

2011-12-08T10:17:00.003-05:00

Last night the kids and I made cut-out sandtart cookies for fun. Half-way through I questioned how I could have thought this would be very fun. There was a large boy sitting in the middle of the kitchen table (feet almost touching the cookies), little ones licking their fingers to dip into the colored sugar we were going to be using to decorate the cookies, fighting over who got to decorate how many cookies and the counting police were on patrol letting me know exactly how many cookies someone else decorated. Mark walked into the kitchen and said, "Wow! Looks fun!" I stopped and started telling him how much more fun it was making Christmas cookies when I was a child. And then I had to wonder how fun it was for my mom? The mess, the fighting, the unsolicited "help", etc. Confession time: I was grumpy by the time we were done. Sad but true. Part of the problem was we were doing this is at the time of the day when I am most depleted (after 7:00) and in my mind it was going to be outrageously fun! I forgot about the frustrating parts of helping lots of little ones. They are asking to do gingerbread houses next. Help!!

Every year I am determined to be finished with all my Christmas shopping by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. I have found that people become more rude the closer you get to Christmas. The lines get long, people forget their manners and it really puts damper on the giving atmosphere that should be present at Christmas. I almost met my goal this year of being done a month early. I would rather spend the month of December doing advent activities with the kids and spending evenings making memories that will last a lifetime. Like cookie making catastrophes!!

I struggle every year with the massive consumerism. Yet, I still buy things. Every year. There is something beautiful about giving. Mark and I try really hard to keep things simple with our kids and they are always extremely grateful. Even though their friends are getting all sorts of high-tech, high price electronic gadgets. But I just recently gleaned something from a friend. A sort of rules, per say, when it comes to Christmas. It resonated with both Mark and I and will probably become our "Christmas rules" too. (Thanks Katie) They are as follows:

1. One thing you want.
2. One thing you need.
3. One thing you wear.
4. One thing you read.

Brilliant, eh? I think it is genius! When it comes to giving gifts to people other than our children we try to think beyond the box. How about giving money to a grant for a child waiting on Reeces Rainbow? How about giving to World Vision or Compassion in honor of someone? Or how about buying a gift from Ten Thousand Villages? What about buying some coffee for the coffee lover in your life from Saints Coffee? Or buying apparel, jewelry on Etsy from someone who is adopting a child? It makes complete sense to me to buy gifts that benefit artisans in other places as well as blessing the person receiving the gift from you. Last year Mark's family did a chinese auction type gift exchange and all the gifts had to benefit someone else. It was absolutely delightful watching every gift being opened and finding out what had been given. Goats, bikes, latrines, clean water.....all given to help someone else! I urge you to try it out if family and friends are willing to try something new! So fun!

On another note all together........I am going to be an aunt again!! Tomorrow my brother, his wife and two children leave for Ethiopia to meet their two newest additions! I am about bursting at the seams with excitement for them! Would you purpose to pray specifically for them over the next 2 weeks? I will give brief updates if possible all the while knowing this is their story and not mine to share. But I know they welcome and cherish the support and prayer of loved ones!

Little Girls

2011-12-05T15:24:00.003-05:00

Impromptu dress up day at our house today! The girls got all decked out and had themselves a swell time! Getting lost in their imaginations is the best kind of play!

And who says you can't wear a skirt as a tube top? Heidi wore it proudly not caring about fashion! And I think she looks sweet if I do say so myself.

Little girls love their babies!! And my two girls are no exception. They finally got to hold and love their brand new cousin Catherine yesterday and were thrilled to pieces. Especially Eden! Who is still hoping and praying for a little brown baby! Look at her eyes and tender smile! She was pretty mesmerized especially every time Catherine's hat fell off and she was able to touch her hair.

And then it was Heidi's turn. Trowing up the quick, "Lord have mercy" I placed Catherine in Heidi's arms. I wasn't sure what to expect.

I certainly was in shock when I captured her first genuine smile with the camera!! Finally!! Look at how happy she was to hold the baby! So thankful God saw fit to bless me with some girls in addition to my handsome boys!

The View From Here

2011-11-29T09:51:00.004-05:00

Blaze orange and frenzied excitement! Coupled with disappointment at the non-sighting of any buck to place within the cross hairs.

Game playing!

And more game playing! Probably one of my favorite things about the shorter days! We are forced to slow down and play games.

Just some leisurely stretching before sitting up to eat dinner! Not really sure how she is so flexible!

The countdown to Christmas paper chain. Let the fighting begin over whose turn it is to take a link off of the chain in the morning.

Discarded game piles in the rush to get to the next fun thing! If only I lived my daily life with that level of enthusiasm. Laundry would be zinging through the house!

A certain little girl has been thrilled with all the extra Shane time she has gotten over the last week. Christmas vacation will not come soon enough for her!

Our gargantuan stockings made with love by Mark's grandmother! Trying filling these suckers without breaking the bank. They will be getting more practical things in their stockings this year. Socks, underwear.....you know, all the exciting stuff!! Don't worry. I will make sure there is sugar to be consumed and a few fun things. Getting ready to share how we do Christmas around here. I would love to hear what you do as well!!

Scattered

2011-11-28T15:30:00.002-05:00

My thoughts have been so scattered lately. Much like my productivity! Last week I had an amazing drive to get things cleaned up and purged once again. It helped that we spent last Sunday at my sisters house and after being in someone else's house that looks a little more tidy it gives you a certain kick in the pants! So the scrubbing and cleaning commenced first thing Monday morning. Although a week later it doesn't really look like that deep cleaning took place. Except for the fact that my bathroom ceilings are still clean! Yes, I scrubbed the ceilings in the bathroom. It was that type of a cleaning binge. So this morning I sat in the bathroom, looked at the clean ceiling and gave a contented sigh. No fingerprints, piles of games or stickers to be found on the ceiling. I have learned that in the future if I want to continue to see the results of all my hard work I will focus on the ceilings! And now I am in the midst of painting my kitchen. We had a wall removed last month and the kitchen has a smattering of different colors and drywall mud! It looks even more ridiculous since I started painting on Friday and haven't gotten any further. Introducing my sporadic productivity! Although we did have people over both Thursday and Friday last week and then went to Mark's side of the family on Saturday for Thanksgiving! So, I kind of have a reason for not getting back to it until today. I told myself I would not decorate for Christmas until it is finished so that is my driving force to complete things. We cheated a little bit and put up the stockings!

Speaking of Thanksgiving: I had these grandiose ideas to blog everyday the month of November even if it was just a sentence or two to keep a running tally of all the things I am grateful for in my life! That worked well! We did have some friends over for the first time on Thanksgiving who were unable to travel home to be with family! We had a great day! At least Mark and I and our kids did. I won't speak for other people. And then Friday brought more friends and a sleepover for Shane! We really like his buddy and weren't sure we should return him but decided it was best for everyone to take him home.

So maybe I will blog a little more during the month of December and incorporate some of the lessons I have been learning yet again. Sneak peak: more on contentment and laying up treasure where it cannot be destroyed.

How is that for scattered?

A Small Catch-Up Post

2011-11-15T20:37:00.005-05:00

I am sure I am one of the millions caught up into the vortex of the unfolding scandal at Penn State. It has pulled me in, occupied my mind, broken my heart, blanketed me with heaviness and overall has just shocked me at the depravity of man once again. I am not going to even attempt to convey anything wise here in regards to this situation. Instead, I am going to show you what the kids have been doing over the past week. I am just a tad more comfortable talking about my children than corruption. I had literally just put the camera up to snap her picture when she started doing the "poop walk". Which obviously is just a fancy way to say she pooped in her pants. Always lovely!

Catching some sunshine in the leaves!

Eden seems to gather her very own leaf pile in her hair! At times it is almost enough to have an indoor leaf pile to jump into.

I love the soul deep in her eyes! She is the gift I didn't know I needed!

Eating slushies at the roller skating rink! We are cool like that!

Talk about beautiful eyes!!!

An afternoon with friends at a local fall festival! Eden loves Ea.

Fabulous face painting with friends!

Kids eat free day!! Works well for our crew.

Pretty fancy face painting! I wish I could tell you all the fabulous things Judah and Shane's teachers had to say about them at their parent teacher conferences but then I would be one of those obnoxious gloating parents. Suffice it to say they are splendid students (or so I am told). Nice to hear encouraging things about your children since sometimes it is hard to keep things in perspective on the home front.

Nice nostrils Mr. T!

Sunny days spent outside before the cold winds of winter blow through!

Feeling a kinship with the squirrels as she checks out a stash of nuts!

Relaxing on the trampoline with pillows, blankets and "fluffies". I have officially given up trying to have half decent pillows on my couches. They get drug outside and all over the house.

Walking to meet the boys as they get home from school. Oh, how they love this part of the day!! And so do I!

Orphan Sunday

2011-11-06T19:12:00.002-05:00

After you have walked the journey of adoption things like "National Adoption Awareness Month" and "Orphan Sunday" pack a much deeper and harder punch than before. Suddenly, it all hits home. And you have a deep longing for that connection to happen in the hearts of more people! The beauty and blessing that comes with adoption. The growth in our hearts, the brokenness in the challenges, the days of relentless love that begin to soak in the wounded areas to bring a bit more healing and the joy of your child (or children) leaning into your love! It all comes with a price. But anything worth doing or giving your life for is worth the price! And I trust you all know I am not talking the literal cost. One of the most striking differences in the pictures of Eden before we came and the pictures after we came are her eyes. Every picture, and we didn't have many, of Eden in the orphanage have blank eyes. Void of emotion and life.

Her eyes sparkle!!! And sometimes they shoot flames!! Either way they have life in them now!

Parenting a child with unseen wounds has challenges for sure. But isn't that kind of the deal when we sign up as parents? There are so many unknowns as parents. But one things I am sure of: a safe haven of love is a great place to start in overcoming the hurdles that present as our children grow and learn!

So today I say: Go for it!!! If you have felt a nudge, a whisper, a tug on your heart there just might possibly be a child who is praying for you tonight!! Seriously! Think about that for a moment. What if there is a child that is asking God tonight to please, please bring them a mom and a dad. And what if the answer to that prayer is you? Is it possible? Absolutely!! And I am not off the hook either. I am very aware that there are children praying for families and unless we take some steps to answer His call then they will keep waiting. We are wrestling with how this looks for our family and I can say we are closer than ever to starting the process again. Praying and seeking what direction we should go but it seems to be getting a bit clearer. And for that I am grateful!

The Older Boys

2011-11-02T15:59:00.003-04:00

So it is glaringly obvious to me that my older boys do not get as much "airtime" as the munchkins. They aren't around as much (sigh) plus as they grow they tend to mellow out a bit. But every now and then conversations occur that bring a smile to my face for days on end. Before we get to the fun conversations we first need to visit a paper Shane brought home from school this week. He was learning about fact and opinions and he had to fill in the blanks with the first word that came to his mind. Here is his list:

Teachers are............Kind.
Mothers are.............Awesome (woohoo)
Kittens are...............Cute
Babies are................Nice
Old people are.........Smart
My neighbors are....Cool
Girl Scouts are.........Weird
Football players are......Sweet

My favorite was that girl scouts are weird. So typical for a boy that age.

Last week I took Judah out on his date night. We rotate a different child every week until Mark has taken them all on a date and then we begin the rotation again with myself. And then it goes back to Mark. You get the idea. Anyhow, my last date with Judah he wanted to go crayfish hunting which we did and I must admit was extremely fun!! This time we got ice cream. On the way to Dairy Queen we somehow got on the subject of heaven. Cannot remember how our conversation went in that direction. In my opinion the most important part of the whole conversation was his dismay at realizing that hunting may not be a priority in heaven. In fact, he feels like if there is no hunting in heaven that, that will be a huge drawback for people even wanting to go there. I assured him that if hunting continues to be extremely important in heaven that I am sure God will make sure he gets to hunt. What else do you say to his dismay?

On another day Judah, Shane and I sat at the table and they brought up baptism. Both expressing a desire to be baptized but not wanting it to happen in front of a lot of people. They said just family and cousins. They would prefer to be baptized in the creek at the cabin which I think is awesome!!! Anyway, as we talked I realized Judah was getting more and more quiet. Shane was asking questions and talking but Judah wasn't. After a few minutes he said kind of hesitantly, "Um....if I get baptized.....(long pause).....can I still have a fist fight?" I am sure my eyes about popped out of my head as I felt a desperate need to laugh but I also knew he was dead serious! I said to him, "Are you planning on having a fist fight?" He assured me he isn't planning on it. What Mark and I were able to gather from him was that he thought if you are baptized you can never do anything wrong again. And what if sometime he found himself in a fight? What would happen? Of course we talked for a while about the symbolism of baptism and how it does not magically make you faultless. It seems as though he understood the weight of publicly professing his heart for Jesus and he doesn't want to do something in haste. For which I quietly applauded him!! Who knows? Maybe the next time we converge on Slate Run the boys will be baptized in the creek!

Running Rampant

2011-10-27T19:03:00.003-04:00

My daughter seems to be the equivalent of a full time job just herself. I feel like this blog has been very Heidi related lately but my goodness!! Tonight for instance....Mark and the boys are out for wings so I thought the girl and I would have a nice little quiet evening. I am clearly delusional people!! I fed them, got them in their jammies, decided to quickly vacuum the kitchen since it is a disaster due to some demolition/construction (another story for another time). Sounds reasonable, right? So tell me why this is what I walked in on only 3 minutes into my vacuuming?

A stark naked Heidi sitting on the sink playing in the water! I am throwing in the towel for the day people!! We are going all kinds of crazy at our house tonight! True story!!

New Blog Link

2011-10-26T13:14:00.002-04:00

I added a blog under my links on the right hand side of a blog titled "A Place Called Simplicity". I read this blog almost daily for a few reasons: they have refused the American dream and instead embraced simplicity in order to love orphans, she is a mother to many children and keeps bringing them home even though she should be looking forward to an empty nest and she just keeps things pretty real. I strongly suggest that you take a look at her blog and read over the past few weeks. Especially the past week as they have been awarded the privilege of loving another sweet Ugandan girl! One of my favorite quotes from her ever is this: the only special need a child has is to have a family!! So very true.

I was reading a book to my munchkins yesterday afternoon and happened upon a page that I wasn't sure how to process. It is from the book "Just in Case You Ever Wonder" by Max Lucado and this particular page went like this: And since you are so special, God wanted to put you in just the right home...where you would be warm when it's cold, where you'd be safe when you're afraid, where you'd have fun and learn about heaven. After lots of looking, God sent you to me. And I'm so glad He did.

You already know where I am heading with this I'm sure. I had two children nestled in at my sides and one on my lap as I read this story. I felt two very different emotions at that passage. I felt a sense of peace in knowing that God has in fact granted Eden all those things and yet I felt a gnawing ache as I thought of the 160,000,000 orphans who I couldn't sit down with and read this story too without feeling like a fraud. Now, I am very aware that I cannot take care of all of those children but I know I can do more! How about you? Can you sponsor a child or two? Could you open your home to foster or adopt a child(ren) who might need you? Would you be willing to at least ask God how He might want to expand you? Praying blessings over you as you pursue His heart for you!!!

Flashbacks

2011-10-25T20:58:00.002-04:00

My cousin and I "swimming"! At least that is what I am assuming we were doing. Whatever we were doing I assure you it was his idea and I was an innocent follower. I am quite sure!

The one thing I do not like about growing up and being adults is the distance that comes with time. I don't mean emotional distance but actual miles between us. There is always a connection once you have played in the water in your underwear!! I just miss talking, laughing, singing and listening to him play/sing. So Jenny, this picture is for you. As a window into his silly boyhood days and as a warning for what may be in store for your future!!

Real Life

2011-10-24T20:09:00.003-04:00

One of my all time favorites of the kids! One of Mark's sisters' took this picture during the summer and I return to it often! I love the freedom that comes with warm weather and am always sad to see it go. Having to get shoes, sweatshirts, hats and gloves on feels so restrictive. I would much rather have the freedom to run in and out of the house with doors wide open. Time to bolster my mind and get ready for the months ahead. Lots of energy that still needs to be burned by growing children but it happens within the walls of the house instead of the wide open spaces of the yard. Somedays I wake up with creative energy and the days seems to go smoothly. Somedays I wake up and things seem to unravel before I can even get my wits about me. Those are the "Little Engine that Could" days. Silently (sometimes not so silently) telling myself "I think I can, I think I can" until the day fades away. A day is never wasted but sometimes they are survived more than enjoyed! There was a time that I felt guilt over the survived days but now I know they are part of this journey called motherhood. And they are equally as important as the days that are fully enjoyable because you treasure those wonderful days all the more!

*click on the picture to enlarge so you can see their expressions even better

What Goes Around.....

2011-10-20T12:46:00.003-04:00

.....comes around! At least that is what I have heard. And in the case of my voracious climber I would say that holds true. According to my mother, I was a climber. I have vivid memories of climbing everything I could all day long as a youngin'. Trees, top beams of the barn, more trees, the roof of the garage - you name it. If it could be scaled, I was on the job! The one difference between Heidi and I is that she gets into everything! That is the motive behind her climbing. My mother says I climbed for enjoyment more than as a means to get what I wanted. Not true with Heidi! There are few places that are safe from her sticky fingers. I had to get rid of my stool in the kitchen that helped me reach things since it also helped her reach things! Pardon the underwear. Pretty much every picture I have of her recently is in her underwear. Partly because she is in such a rush after using the potty that she barely holds still for her underwear and partly because she goes so often that it is easier to only remove one article of clothing. Judge me if you want. I won't even know and she will go on running around in her underwear happily!

She got what she wanted!! She likes to rummage through my cupboards. Her favorite find is chocolate chips!

The past week it has been climbing in the fridge to get stuff. This happens upwards of 342 times a day! Exaggeration is possible but then again maybe not. I remove her. every. single. time and remind her that she could just use words to tell me what she wants. Maybe I will grow to love her independence!

These last few warm days have found the kids playing with sidewalk chalk which they love. I love finding them actually getting along for a few minutes! Honestly, I love anything they do that keeps them from fighting! What I don't love about chalk is the following:

Hand prints and smeared chalk all over the front door.

As well as the walls of the house. But you can't argue that the little hand print is precious!!

A Hiatus

2011-10-17T13:11:00.003-04:00

I had a bit of an unplanned blogging hiatus but sometimes life happens! I have been busy canning and freezing the last of the seasons goodness in between perfecting my peace keeping skills with my kiddos. My skills are sorely lacking if you look at the amount of squabbles! And really I have been questioning the pros and cons of this whole blogging world. One of the pros for me is that family and extended family get to stay in tune with what is happening in our world. I have also "met" some really neat people through this blog and am grateful for those friendships (shout out to Charity)!! One of the blaring cons is that you can either accurately or inaccurately paint of picture of your life. I have always wanted to portray an accurate picture so that my weaknesses aren't hidden causing someone to feel inept. Not that I think I am all that or anything! Because I am not! But I have found myself reading some blogs and walk away feeling really lacking. We are not made to compare our lives to others but to walk in obedience to what is laid out in front of us! You can post the right pictures with the lighting shining just perfectly, say the perfect words, protray yourself the way you see yourself (which can be inflated), etc. So over the past two weeks I have been sorting through my feelings and still don't know what I think. Shows you how indecisive I am! So for today I am just going to continue on in the general everyday life and pictures. I am also aware that my everyday life may be entertainment for some so you are welcome! Flying kites on a windy, fall day!!

Don't you love all the colors these two packed onto their two tiny bodies? Heidi insists upon dressing herself now and lets just say it can sometimes be painful to the eyes!

Heidi's favorite part of the day is when her Shane gets off the bus! She asks him to read "dories" and he sweetly complies. If they watch movies or read stories Heidi is usually right next to him! She doesn't seem to understand the concept of personal space in regards to Shane.

We have been spending time with friends soaking in the last of the warm weather! Life is always more fun with friends!

Tristan rocking his "old man" shoes and striped socks! And he actually went somewhere looking like this and I just laughed! Who says that your style should be pre-determined by mainstream media/fashion designers?

We have spent more time than I care to admit perfecting spiderman skills. All in the day of the life......

Mischief

2011-10-03T14:41:00.000-04:00

should have been her middle name!!!

Changes

2011-09-27T10:49:00.003-04:00

My side kick has spread his wings and ventured off into a new world. Amidst an obscene amount of tears (from the mother). Seriously! The first day Shane went to school seemed eternal! He bounded off the bus with a huge smile and an, "I loved it!!" Which made me cry again since he didn't even seem to miss me. I think I have issues! Day two rolled around and suddenly school was horrible and he hated it. Or so he said when it came time to get on the bus. I will spare you the details since it is one of the worst mornings of my parental history but suffice it to say it ended with me bodily hauling him into school. Ugh! But he bounded off the bus that afternoon and has willingly woken up and gotten on the bus every morning since.

Hands down one of the most conflicted decisions we have ever made in regards to one of our children. Shane has always loved being home schooled! He is a home body by nature and needs lots of down time to operate well. He loves being with his younger siblings and is my right hand man! He is such a content young man! Something I have wanted so much to cultivate in our children but his natural tendency towards contentment has made it easy with him. I would say that is one of our biggest hesitancy's in putting him in school. That the constant stimulation and busy days would lessen his ability to self entertain.

Life just started feeling like it was stacking up and I was beginning to go under! So much to get done everyday and literally no time to just sit for a few minutes. Between schooling Shane and Tristan, paying bills, keeping up with the books for Mark's business, taking care of the house, etc it felt like too much! Now, I know there are some women that could manage and do it all well but I have come to accept that I am not that woman! I have compared and compared for far too long! I read blogs of other families with more children than us who seem to run everything perfectly while schooling their children but it wasn't running too smoothly anymore. I didn't feel like I was doing anything well but everything was being done sub-par. There was high stress and little peace.

I am incredibly grateful for a supportive husband who finally heard through all my jumble and helped make a good decision. And honestly, we have been blessed with some of the best teachers on the planet for our boys! Of that I am sure!! So accommodating, loving and encouraging!!

I still miss him everyday! Literally everyday!! But I have found that I am able to get all my work done throughout the day and then focus on the kids in the evening which has been awesome! I work with Tristan and Eden in the morning for a while on school work and then I dig into what needs to be done that day so that I am available to the boys when they come home. And I am able to focus on the rambunctious girls throughout the day! Change is always difficult but I have learned something about myself through all of this: I still compare myself too often with other people which makes it difficult to hear His voice. I need to care more about what He has called me to than anything else. So for now that is what I am working on in the midst of retrieving a little girl from the cupboards!

Snippets of Life

2011-09-20T20:26:00.003-04:00

I challenge you to find a better way to wake up in the mornings!! Before school started for the year and I had to be up and moving by a certain time we spent quite a few mornings snuggling in bed together. Most mornings all three of the younger ones found their way into our bed. This particular morning Eden was still in her bed. To be honest Heidi finds her way into our bed often enough that she probably thinks it is her bed just as much as ours. And you never know how you will find Eden when you check on her after she is asleep.

Seriously, this is how she was sleeping on this particular night. Amazing!!

I scooped her up and tucked her back into her bed.

We have had some changes around this house over the past week which I will talk about soon. The biggest change is Shane is now getting on the bus with Judah in the morning. I felt like my heart would nearly break, I cried more tears than I thought possible and am starting to settle into a new routine. More to come....

Pirates

2011-09-13T22:03:00.003-04:00

It was a beautiful, warm and fall like day which brought out the hooligans! All sorts of piratey things were being said (or grunted) and vile creatures were being slain. Shanes words to me were, "It's perfect! I am even missing some teeth!" Eden jumped right into the aarrghs while Tristan seemed a little lost in this world void of numbers. It will take him a bit more practice to perfect his pirate skills.

And one fair maiden found her way into all the action! How I love our kids and their imaginations!

Flooding

2011-09-08T08:57:00.003-04:00

While I know what we experienced at our house yesterday was minor it still caused quite a bit of annoyance. Our sump pumps are still running this morning but the basement is now dry thanks to my hard working husband! He worked literally the entire day yesterday with the shop-vac to get things dry. Very thankful that a majority of our basement is stained concrete floors so we don't have to replace flooring. We will have to replace some trim and a few minor things but at least our area rugs seem to be drying out! Smells a bit damp but nothing major. I am really feeling sorry for my home town of Lewisburg that is getting hit really hard. Makes me sad knowing there is a lot of devastation to come! Our front yard around noon yesterday.

The view from our front porch towards our garden. I haven't brought myself to go look at my garden yet because I am afraid of what I will find. First, lost all the corn to the silly bear and now will probably loose all my potatoes, sweet potatoes and lima beans to the flooding. I feel worse for my boys who have their pumpkin crop growing nicely. This is their big project and how they make money so it will be sad if it is completely destroyed. A good life lesson though. And really I feel trivial complaining about it since there are probably lots of farmers in the area who will have a huge loss on tomato crops. We will be fine but those folks who depend on their crops as their livelihood will have some difficult months ahead.

Towards our backyard.

What good is a bit of flooding if you can't have an underwear party and run through the humongous puddles! This patch of green was dubbed "the island."

Right out our front door. It looks way worse than it really was. Our house was not in imminent danger of flooding.

It was fairly deep though. They were not allowed to go near the creek. They were only allowed to play in the puddled water. The creek was moving too quickly, was too deep and I had a horrible dream the night before so they were not allowed anywhere even close to the creek! And if anyone decided to push me on it they were done for the day! End of story.

Sometimes you need to just observe the change in landscape from the front porch in your underwear.

Hopefully by the end of today things will be dried out thoroughly enough downstairs that we can get everything back in its correct place. If you do not live in this area please be praying for the folks who are loosing possessions, homes, crops, etc. Not fun times for a lot of people!

School is in Session

2011-09-07T15:36:00.002-04:00

Well, Judah has settled right into his new classroom and last year as a an elementary student. Commence the weeping and wailing now! How is it possible that he is in 5th grade already? Today was a bit exciting as we are getting copious amounts of rain causing flooding and road closures. He was a bit apprehensive to get on the bus this morning in case he couldn't make it home but didn't want to miss his second day.

Shane is another story altogether. He hasn't been able to get started on any of his work due to a glitch in the system somewhere. His curriculum and supplies somehow did not get ordered until the end of last week so we are quite a bit frustrated at this house. He might be finding himself getting on the bus soon if things don't get ironed out. Either way, tomorrow is his first day going to the elementary school for art! He is cautiously excited!

Tristan loves doing school which I have known for a while now. He will sit for hours and keep plugging away and I have to ask him to take a break.

Here is the alligator he colored. Muli-colored too which was puzzling until he explained that all the red spots are where the alligator had been shot! Someone help me now!

And Eden has decided that cutting with the scissors is her new calling in life. So we have bits of paper floating all around the kitchen. It keeps her occupied and that is reason enough to keep giving her paper for her new found love!

And Heidi just likes to climb on the counters the entire time (feels like the entire time) getting into the cupboards and digging around for everything she is not allowed to have. Again....someone help me now!!

Tomorrow I will tell you about the great flood of 2011 that happened in our yard and made its way into the basement as a most unwelcome guest. Just keep breathing deeply, right?

Fast and Furious...

2011-09-05T17:45:00.003-04:00

has been the unwelcomed pace of the last few weeks of summer! Goodness! We have squeezed in lots of fun and exhausting days. We have had parties, cook-outs, canning and freezing food and a bear that ate all the corn in our garden. Judah ran another 5k. This time to help raise money for a woman fighting cancer in a local community. He really enjoys running (he does not get that from me) and I wouldn't be surprised if he pursued running as a competitive sport.

We (mostly the kids) have consumed their fair share of popsicles this summer. They are always better when shared with a friend!

We made a trip to Lake Tobias where we got up close and personal with lots of animals.

Judah was in his element getting so close to an elk. Although I think I heard a collective gasp when he loudly said, "Dad! Can you imagine shooting an elk this big?"

Running on to the next exhibit! In typical fashion it was a near sprint from one exhibit to the next.

A tired little girl looking at the bison.

We fed some ducks at a park which my young ones thought was hilarious! Clearly, we do not get out much!

We have endured many cheesy grins....

celebrated a sweet cousins birthday....

woke up to a humongous spiderweb......

taken some moments to relax and ponder life...

and tried out the new skill of holding a baby!!! Heidi was a bit unsure about holding her new little friend but has been playing with her babies nonstop since little Charlie left this afternoon.

And now we jump into school tomorrow!! Hopefully we can make it through this first week of new schedules unscathed and with everyone still happy. Judah will jump on the bus in the morning, Shane will be going into school a few times a week for his art and music classes and will do his other main classes at home and Tristan will become a full time student! And I will probably be drinking lots of coffee this first week or two and sending up lots of pleas for help from my gracious Father!

End of Summer

2011-08-27T09:04:00.003-04:00

A common response on asking someone how their summer has been: "It has gone so fast!" It seems like it has become as natural as breathing. This frantic pace at which we live our lives! Even though I tried to consciously keep our lives uncluttered and stress-free this summer it has still gone far too quickly! We have one more week before school starts back up and I am really not sure I am ready. I am looking forward to the routine that a school schedule brings but will miss the more relaxed pace at which we live life. We have had a busier than usual week and I will bring it to you now in pictures! We have had a little over 4 inches of rain over the past week and Heidi clearly has enjoyed some of the wetness that follows a good rain storm! She has staked her claim as the goofball of the family! A side of her that few people get to see.

I made a book sling for the girls room that is nestled on the wall above Eden's bed! I am not a crafty person but this was so easy I knew my lack of creativity could no longer be a legitimate excuse to pass up this little project. And could the pictures of Eden on the wall be any cuter?

We attended the wedding of a friend last week and it ranks up there as one of the best weddings I have attended. A sweetness pervaded every part of the wedding and was a true picture of what awaits the Bride of Christ!

Eden went to the wedding with us and was pleased as punch to dance with her daddy! The girl didn't stop smiling!

The boys had two days of play with their cousin Tyler this week! Early morning treks up the mountain hunting (like before I was even out of bed), air soft wars, talk of assassins, chasing each other around with a leaf blower.....the giggles were awesome!!

I loved the expressions on the boys faces! They took turns blowing on their stomachs and I happened to catch the glee on their faces in this picture! It really is the simple things in life folks!

Heidi spent time looking at books while soaking her foot in epsom salt after getting a burn. The kids were doing sparklers one evening and Heidi happened to step on a hot sparkler. She had a nice big blister for 3 days and then it popped. By the next morning it was red and she was very ouchy while tying to walk. She spent numerous times though out that day soaking it in salt water and was fine by the evening. Epsom salt is a necessity at this house and has saved us numerous tips to the doctor this summer. I am convinced of that! Another new thing: Heidi has pig tales! She is beginning to let me do stuff to her hair albeit reluctantly.

Friday found us husking corn in the early morning sun!

We all worked together......

And were finished with the husking part quickly. I sat with Judah and Shane and we talked about all sorts of interesting things pertaining to corn. Who was the first to introduce corn, corn husk dolls, Indians......very informative!

Sometimes little sweeties are tired and want their momma but the momma needs her hands free. So she snuggles in the ergo onto momma's back with her blankies and everything becomes right in her world again.

And when the work is all done and cleaned up corn husk dolls are made! We now have multiple dolls floating around the house and outside. It was fascinating to the kids to learn that years ago this would have been a birthday or Christmas gift. Judah is reading "Little House in the Big Woods" right now and enjoyed seeing in person what Laura played with.

And that is a wrap of our week!!

Why I Might Stop Cleaning

2011-08-20T08:33:00.003-04:00

Scrubbed my kitchen floor yesterday because it was looking a little gross. A little while later I decided that attempting to keep a house clean with my crew is a loosing battle. I think I am a slow learner. Within 2 1/2 hours of scrubbing my floor this is what happened:

*there was a cup of milk spilled on the kitchen table which ran onto the floor
*a nice, plump grape was dropped and in the attempt to retrieve it was stepped on - squish!
*a freshly cut piece of pineapple was dropped and splattered everywhere
*a half piece of cornbread crumbled all over the floor - the other half made it into a child's mouth
*a rather large puddle of pee was found when another child was trying to be helpful and clean up the cornbread

And I am sure I am forgetting something! Mark told me he would forget about keeping the kitchen floor clean and would only worry about it when you could shovel things off the floor. So if you stop by please be understanding of the grime you might find. Depending on my mood I will either be scrubbing away or shoveling!

At It Again

2011-08-19T08:18:00.002-04:00

Read Adeye's most recent post about another little, and I mean little, treasure in the Ukraine. She laid out a goal to raise $22,000 to pay for this little girls adoption in hope that if a family comes forward the money isn't an issue! In one day the chip-in button has passed the goal!! Amazing to watch God at work in people's hearts! Would you go read this little one's story and not disengage? Just take a moment or two or longer and intercede on behalf of Liliana and so many like her? It really is OUR problem!

Gardening

2011-08-18T21:35:00.003-04:00

"Mothers have been created by God to be gardeners of the soul of children." - Sally Clarkson.

I read this quote last week on my sister-in-laws facebook status (thanks Christine) and have pondering it ever since. I have said before that I do really well with word pictures. I am sure there are many of you that could tell me my learning style based on that but I have never analyzed myself long enough to figure it out. I just know that word pictures and simple analogies register and remain with me.

For those of you who know us well you know that Mark is gifted in taking a chunk of land and making beautiful gardens! I have long ago bowed out of the beautiful landscaping but still thoroughly enjoy my vegetable garden. There is something gratifying about planting, watering, weeding, harvesting and eating from your own garden. It is the fruit of your work!

Raising children is so similar! Every day there is ample opportunity to till the soil of your child's heart, plant seeds of character, water their spirits with affection and affirmation, weed out the selfishness and ungratefulness and in due time you will reap a harvest! Some things in a garden need pruning and winterized so they survive until the next spring. And sometimes our children need "pruning" so they can overcome and survive "winters" of the soul. This isn't something you ever hope for your child but we do live in a broken world.

I am grateful I read the above quote. It has once again reminded me of the entrustment I have been given as a mother and the importance of what I do daily. I am the gardener of their souls and desire so much to do well in this task. May we not view our children's needs as interruptions but as opportunities to nurture.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galations 6:9

Outside the Box

2011-08-08T19:52:00.002-04:00

Tristan's idea of fun! Writing stories and spelling words! Personally I find this quirky part of his personality endearing. I am going to have to think outside the box when it comes to schooling this boy at home.

Famine in Africa

2011-08-06T08:47:00.003-04:00

So many thoughts have been circling inside my heads these past few weeks. Thoughts of sacrificial giving, adoption, injustice...sometimes my heart cannot contain it all. Reading about the horn of Africa and the horrible famine which is taking thousands of lives and I can't help but wonder how it is that I am so blessed? If I allow myself to really think about the reality for our dear brothers and sisters in Somalia, Kenya and Ethiopia right now I am crushed. I had someone not long ago tell me they think they are naive when it comes to the way a lot of the world lives. I told her I didn't necessarily think being naive is wrong - purposefully disengaging is another thing altogether. And that is where I struggle. It is easier to not think about putting yourself in their shoes because the minute you engage in their suffering you are moved to act.

Imagine with me: your sweet children are hungry and you know there is absolutely no food left anywhere near your home. Your livestock has long since died from lack of food and your dirty water source that has been making you and your children sick has dried up. What should you do? You have heard that there is hope a few weeks away but you are desperate because it is your only chance. You leave early in the morning in the cool of the day with hope that it won't take so long that your children die along the way. But in their already malnourished state you aren't sure how much more they can take. (how old are your children? imagine them walking in heat, hungry and thirsty) Two weeks into the journey your sweet child has weakened so much they are no longer conscience. How much longer? Your child (I am imagining Tristan) cannot hold on any longer and they die. You are forced to leave them in along the path because there is no where to bury them. You leave a piece of your heart behind as you leave. Ok.....honestly I can't go on. The pain is too difficult to even imagine. This is what I mean by disengaging. I can shut off the pain, get up and immerse myself in something else so I don't have to think about their reality. But a dear Somalian momma just like me buried 4 of her children on Thursday! The pain is almost more than I can bear! How is that even possible!!

The UN is saying this is the worst humanitarian crises in history!! When you have a famine this severe their only chance at survival is aid. And that comes from the world joining together to see the purpose of every person and doing what we can to help! I urge you to start regularly reading the updates on World Vision, Samaritans purse and different news sources. All you have to do is google it. The complication of course are the Somalian extremists who are blocking aid into much of Somalia hence the mass exodus into Kenya!

Is there something you can do? If you donate to World Vision they have grants that will take your donation and add another five times what you give. So if you can give $10 they add $50 and your donation becomes $60. If you give $100 they add $500 and your donation becomes $600!

Every time I heard David Crowder's "Oh Praise Him" I can't help but think of children who have been adopted, people who are sponsored, those are are being rescued right now by aid. The second verse says,

"Turn your gaze to heaven and raise a joyous noise
The sound of salvation come, the sound of rescued ones
And all this for a King
Angels join to sing
All for Christ the King"

God is not interested in the amounts you can give but interested in how your heart is moved with compassion! I know I often am urging you to give but it is how my heart beats! I see the plight of children and my heart breaks. I urge you today to not disengage but allow God to walk you through the reality of what it would be like. Grieve for these dear people, ask Him what He would have you do and then walk in obedience. Thanks for listening!

Oh and just to be clear: I am incredibly grateful that God has blessed us! I don't feel like I have done anything to deserve it but I am grateful! I don't walk around feeling like I should be suffering since there is so much of that around us. I do feel like I need to be in tune with His heart, walk in obedience to what He calls us to which will look different in all of us. So there is no judgement in how you live, how I live but a movement towards looking more and more like Him.

Wow!

2011-08-03T19:12:00.003-04:00

So...this summer is not turning out like I anticipated. Stupid unrealistic expectations once again! You know the expectations I mean? Fun everyday, non-stop laughter, memories being made....fact is life continues pretty much as it always does. And it has taken me this long to be relatively okay with that. I have spent most of my days this summer feeling like a bad mom, wondering why my kids enjoy getting on each others' nerves, feeling weary of the work load, etc.

And you know what else? This really is the stage of life I am in so I need to learn to embrace and deal with it. I have three younger children that are knee deep in character training, who are still learning the basics of what is expected of them and who need to get their bedtime back to a sane hour! Rested children are better equipped to deal with the purposeful antagonizing behaviour of their sibling. They still scream but the decibel level isn't as piercing and it only lasts for a brief time instead of what feels like hours. Usually.

Mark and I had a night away last week and we were so excited to have some quiet moments! It was so nice to just have time to meander around and not feel rushed to get back home. We found ourselves by the next morning both looking at each other and voicing almost simultaneously that we just wanted to be home. We love the home God has blessed us with and the children He has entrusted to us. And we just wanted to be home enjoying both blessings! I will admit - this afternoon amidst the continuous fighting of my children I wondered why I was in a rush to get back over the weekend! I told Mark that maybe we should invest in getting a punching bag for me so that on days when I feel like I am going to blow my top that I could just spend a few minutes getting my frustration out on the bag! Honestly, today I felt like if I could just throw something I would feel better. But then I realized that I would have to explain all of my improper actions to my kids (as if my grumpy face wasn't enough) so I opted to tell them I wanted some time alone to get my head clear. Everyone seemed okay with that except for Eden - she took it personally. So my time alone included one very antsy girl trying to lay quietly beside me.

At the end of the day things become a little more clear. That the intricate workings of a family boil down to this: learning to lay down your life, die to your desires and embrace serving each other. And today I really didn't want to do any of them. That is the awful truth! So now the show the kids were watching is over, Tristan has finally decided to eat his dinner (at 7:30), I have processed my ugliness(thank you for listening), Heidi somehow has Frank Sinatra Christmas music blaring which actually makes me happy and it is time for popsicles!

Believing......

2011-07-25T18:47:00.002-04:00

"....being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Sometimes all I have to cling to are His promises! And today is once again an all too familiar day at this house. Taking a step back to remind myself that the actions and words that come out of my beautiful daughter are not her talking but her wounds. Would you keep praying and believing with us that God will finish the amazing and beautiful work He has begun in her heart?

Today He Is 5

2011-07-23T13:52:00.002-04:00

I am not really sure how 5 years have passed since my third son entered this world. From the time I was convinced I was in labor till he arrived was a short 2 1/2 hours! I was suspicious I was beginning labor but not positive until we were on our way to the hospital. I can remember every detail so vividly. Probably because everything was happening so fast and felt completely out of control!

He was so anxious for his 5th birthday. He began counting down the days months ago. And with his affinity for numbers he kept track pretty closely of how many days away we were from this monumental day! He wakes up and the first thing he wants to do is check the weather online to see what the current temperature is and what the high temperature is going to be for the day. This is after he tells us exactly what time he woke up! He needs the same spoon every morning for breakfast - a serving spoon. How he fits it in his mouth is still a mystery! He asks to check the weather again shortly after breakfast so he can see if the temperature has changed. He would prefer to wear his jammies all day and is very reluctant to get dressed. He is as predictable as they come! He likes his routine and isn't very happy when things don't go as planned. Like when the carpet cleaners show up a minute before they are supposed to.

He did try something new last night. His brothers informed him yesterday that once he turns five he can wear his underwear to sleep without jammies and he was quite intrigued by this. He told me a few times that you can wear your underwear to sleep only in the spring and summer. He gave it a try last night and was successful. After only about 2 minutes he called for me to get his jammies but decided to keep trying. Oh how brave!!

My favorite story with him this week may be somewhat offensive to some but made my heart smile! I overheard him explaining to his sisters (Lord help us) how big God's penis is. Complete with hand motions. He wavered right after saying, "God's penis is this big (insert hand motion)! I think......" Of course it would only be natural to him that God has the same anatomy as he does just on a grander scale. Things eventually were compared to the size of our house!! And I calmly walked away without correcting anything. He is just trying to sort things out. But it made me laugh.

We love this treasure so much and are thoroughly enjoying figuring out how his little brain works. He is sweet, very smart and handsome to boot!! Happy Birthday little man!

Laughter

2011-07-20T21:55:00.002-04:00

Did you know that laughter relieves physical tension and stress in your muscles for up to 45 minutes after a good hearty laugh?

And did you know that laughter triggers the release of endorphins and boosts your immune system?

We have all heard the phrase "laughter is the best medicine." And we know all through scripture joyful hearts are mentioned.

I have found that my children are much better at laughter than I am. It rolls out of them without thought. I hear tiny snippets of their laughter all throughout my day. I, on the other hand, am too caught up in the demands of the day to take a moment and move towards their laughter. I am sure if I stopped what I was doing, moved in their direction and participated in their laughter that I would feel the tightness in my shoulders begin to disappear.

Every summer I take my children aside individually and give them something to work towards. It is something I see in their character that needs a little extra attention. It might be learning to take ownership of their reactions. It might be learning to respond cheerfully when asked to help. It might be using kind words instead of defensiveness.

My thing that I need to work on this summer is lightening up and looking for opportunities to laugh until my stomach hurts! Which won't be too hard considering the fact that my stomach is out of shape. Yes....stomachs can be out of shape. Just trust me on this one.

I want my children to have fond memories of us laughing ourselves silly instead of a list driven mother! Anyone want to join me in moving towards laughter?

*on a serious note have your read about dear little Teri Lynn? Last I checked her grant was a little over $15,000! Keep praying for her family to come forward b/c her ransom is almost complete!*

Blog List

2011-07-19T22:18:00.003-04:00

I am asking you to head on over to my blog list and click on no greater joy mom. Please be praying for this sweet peanut: for God to preserve her life, for a family to come forward quickly, for the funding to come in, etc. This little treasure needs a family and I beseech you to pray and give however you can! Truly the "least of these"!

Big News

2011-07-18T22:08:00.003-04:00

Before you get too excited.....we are NOT pregnant!! I am sure that is where every one's mind went upon seeing the title of my post. When you are in childbearing years and you already have a small brood of children everyone just naturally assumes anytime you feel a little sick or anytime you have news that you are pregnant. Not so....this time. The big news at this house is for the first time in 5 years I will no longer have a little one in diapers!! The little miss who has been pooping in the potty since Christmas decided to add peeing to her resume this weekend!! And clearly sometimes you need a headlamp while using the facilities! You just cannot be prepared enough for the unknown.

So now that she is settled into her new routine and life as a big kid maybe I will have more time to try and make coherent thoughts? I can hope.....

How We Eat Breakfast

2011-07-11T14:31:00.001-04:00

This is how some people eat breakfast at our house! What about you?

Treasures

2011-07-10T19:34:00.004-04:00

Treasures....some are found, some are acquired and some simply are because they live and breathe! Some things are treasured memories.... Like the memory of a first groundhog killed and vanquished!

Like popsicles shared with a cousin on a hot summer day!

Like a mushroom found that is nearly as big as the seeker's head.

Muddy feet and legs after exploring in the creek.

Some treasures nestle into your arms and fall asleep due to sheer exhaustion!

Sometimes treasures can be found snuggling with their Aunt.

Sometimes they seem to grow up too fast and you catch a momentary glimpse of the future in the way a boy sits. The prelude to a man.....

Eating watermelon at the cabin.

Determination on the face of this one as she works at defeating the balloon.

Annoyance on the face of another as his will has to learn to submit to the eating of the watermelon in order to get ice cream.

Second cousins sitting in circles chatting away about who knows what!

Memories, my children, family....some of my greatest memories!!!

Fruit Smoothies

2011-07-08T15:00:00.002-04:00

It is a fruit smoothie kind of day at our house today!!

I will return shortly after a much needed little hiatus from the blog world. We have had some seriously busy weeks and I am a little draggy. Does that make sense? See you tomorrow hopefully!

A Bedtime Conversation

2011-06-21T22:15:00.002-04:00

Me: Tristan, you are my sweet favorite 4 year old boy!
His reply: You are my sweet favorite 33 year old girl!

Do you see why he is my favorite 4 year old boy?

Real Life

2011-06-20T21:39:00.003-04:00

Apparently I was remiss in my assumptions that when summer arrived things would feel a little more manageable and not so busy. Of course I knew we would be on the go a bit more since there are not any school schedules but I really did not prepare myself for the daily demands to feel different. It took a little bit for everyone to find a new normal since Judah is once again around all day. He is missing school which I find almost amusing since most 10 year old boys can hardly wait for the school year to end. He instead is telling me how life just doesn't seem right and that he misses school and could we please drive through the little village/town thingie that his school is in. I said to Mark just a few nights ago that sometimes I am amazed by the amount of time and energy it takes keeping a house running relatively smoothly! Some days I feel almost unprepared for the task set before me even though I have been doing this for quite a while. The dynamics, demands and needs seem to always be shifting and changing. We are in the thick of the shaping and molding of the three younger ones with not a whole lot of visible headway. You know what I mean? Discouragement daily as you trudge through the discipline, questioning yourself as you sort through squabbles, the desperate cries to the Father for wisdom and the daily realization that you fail miserably unless you release total control to Him! And even when you release control and you plead with Him for grace and wisdom it still appears as though you are failing because you cannot see the inner workings of your child's heart. You feel like things are connecting. You feel like the walls are still up in their heart. You feel like they are an impenetrable fortress. But that one fleeting whisper in their ear of how you love them, how they are your favorite 4 year old boy, how much you admire the strides they are taking in trying to serve their siblings, how you notice the touches on their little sisters heads as they walk past, the way they hold their hand and walk to check on the garden......all snippets of hope straight from your mouth to their hearts!

Life is a constant juggling act. A give and take. I am finding that in the midst of the demands around me I still need to sit and be still! To quiet my heart and mind. To soak in His presence. I am going to lay myself bare here because sometimes it is just good to be honest. I found myself a few weeks ago sitting on the couch of my counselor sorting through my exhaustion. Everything was so muddled in my head that I needed help sorting things out! Which resulted in a very long cleansing cry! Did I mention it was long? And extremely messy? Like lots and lots of tears and snot? But so healing and life giving. Things were out of whack and not prioritized correctly. People's perceptions of me had become too important and I didn't even realize my drive of perfection! Stupid, stupid perfection! Woven into me from years past and still directing my steps. I left feeling overwhelmed at what had been uncovered in the ugliness of my heart. (side note: nothing too dramatic but always disheartening when you feel like you are cruising along making strides only to find out you are still operating in your own strength too often) Our own strength makes things messy and not so pretty. It can be destructive to ourselves and our relationships. So I am trying, with His help, to slow down. To rest more. To soak in the laughter of my children. To let them run in the rain even if I have an extra load of laundry as a result. Yes, I am that shallow that I would tell my children they cannot giggle, shriek and run in the rain simply because I am thinking of the work that comes after it. I am determined to join in the play with my children and not simply be a bystander. To be a part of making the memory!

And so, my posts could possibly be a bit more random this summer. And they may not. We are spending time with friends multiple times a week because it is both good for my children and for their momma to connect with women throughout the week. Mark also appreciates my friends who take some of my verbal vomit so he doesn't get it all at the end of the day. Although he hasn't said that - I am just assuming he is happy he doesn't get the complete run down every day. And that is how our summer has started! Me crying, the kids playing, me smiling again, the kids fighting, the ebb & flow of life! Not always easy (in fact rarely easy) but always worth it! And now I must go be the tooth fairy!! I am determined to remember the first time so my son doesn't wake up to remind me the tooth fairy didn't come - AGAIN! My children should be given an award for their long suffering with their forgetful mother!

Summer Days

2011-06-11T15:59:00.005-04:00

It isn't officially summer yet but since school is over for the year everyone at our house thinks summer has arrived! Which means the laundry and appetites are both increasing! It also means the younger ones seem to be sleeping a little bit sounder for which I am thankful.

Friday morning I found all the kids out next to the "pond" that is in the process of being drained so the excavator can come and finish it. It is abundantly full of tadpoles that are in the process of growing legs. They had jugs full of water and they caught tadpoles, snails and a water snake to put into the jugs which then sat on my back porch. Alongside the dead chipmunk that had met its demise a bit earlier in the day. Judah and Shane are depleting the chipmunk population since they seem to be making a mess of our garden. And yesterday Judah was distraught because first thing in the morning he jammed his bb gun so he was unable to hunt all day. His sling-shot was to be thanked for the dead chipmunk!! But back to the tadpole/frogs.......

See his little tail that has yet to disappear?

It was so neat watching their amazement at these little creatures trying to hop around dragging the cumbersome tail behind them.

And yes! My girls are both still in their pj's. Judge me if you must!! We are pretty loose around this house when it comes to their clothes. Sometimes the battle of getting them dressed to go outside in the midst of the excitement to get outside just isn't worth it.

This was moments before Judah lost his footing and toppled into the water!!!

Shane was in the midst of climbing the tree to do the zip line but encountered a ginormous spider which derailed his efforts!

The three "littles" examining something. And I need to retire the endearing name "the littles" since Tristan is on the cusp of turning 5 and not so little anymore.

Sweet, sweet boy!

Sisters spearing the water with a broom handle!

Favorite quote of the week: Shane upon remembering his "pet" cockroach who didn't live too long: "I just thought having a cockroach would make me happy!" Something completely wrong with that picture!! A cockroach shouldn't bring anyone happiness except for the exterminator who profits from their existence.

Favorite treasure found: An empty cicada shell that now lives on Eden's dresser! And seems to watch me every time I enter her room. Creepy!

Something we celebrated this week: Judah making the high honor roll! His first time and he worked very hard for it. That will be the end of my bragging because I don't appreciate parents who brag.

Birthday Girl

2011-06-05T19:52:00.002-04:00

It was birthday time at our house again this week and it was finally Eden's turn! She has been anticipating it and talking about her birthday for weeks. All of our kids enjoy celebrating birthdays and I really see them making an effort to make it extra special for each other.

Could she possibly look any happier? She was thoroughly enjoying all the hoopla but can you blame her? It isn't everyday that the world revolves around you.

She only asked for two things: a treasure box and some lollipops. I still am not positive what she had in mind for a treasure box so we talked about other options. She was fine as long as lollipops were still part of the deal.

I just said to Mark today that I am still amazed by the whole concept and beauty of adoption! That a child who was born literally on the other side of the world could become our own child! That we were chosen to be her family! That she is a sister to Heidi, Tristan, Shane and Judah! That she is a cousin, a niece, a granddaughter to many!

Eden....we are forever changed by your laughter, your smile, your ornery little self, your zest for life, your running into everything in your rush to get to wherever you are going, your intensely strong will, your beauty and your capacity to love!!! We love you to the moon and back!! And are thrilled for you that you finally are 4 years old!

Signs of Summer

2011-06-02T09:43:00.003-04:00

The garden is finally all finished, school is one week away from being done, the pool has been visited, a trip has been made to the mountains already....all signs that summer is upon us! I love the freedom that summer brings. Barefoot toes running through the grass, hose battles, multiple clothing changes due to the hose battles and overall just a headlong pursuit by my children to find excitement in every day. I have purposed this summer to join in their fun more instead of just sitting on the sidelines playing referee. Properly bruised legs are a part of our summers Eating watermelon late in the afternoon as I prepare their dinner.....

Being goofy.....

If you have read my blog for any length of time you know that the mountains are a huge part of our summers. We love the peace that comes with being disconnected from everything. And if we ask the boys if they would rather go to the beach or the mountains there isn't a moment of hesitation - mountains!!

Sitting in the sun after getting soaked in the creek.

My two girls playing with my sister Beth's oldest daughter Ashleigh! Lots of years separate our kids but my children love all their cousins!

Tristan didn't seem to mind playing with the girls at all! He dutifully was their cat, baby or whatever they deemed he should be.

Cheese?! I hope she soon learns to smile in some sort of normal fashion so we don't forever get the scrunchy eyes and opened mouth "smile". For now it is cute! Notice the bruised legs and scraped up knees....she is learning how to beat herself right along with the rest of the kids.

Heidi had an appointment this week with a pediatric orthopedic doctor to assess her little legs and feet. I have noticed since she was itty-bitty that her feet and legs seem to turn inward but her doctor and myself have really hoped they would straighten out over time as she walked (which is what normally happens). She does fine walking but seems to trip up all the time when she runs. Her knees are always scraped, bleeding and never get a chance to completely heal since she seems to think she needs to run everywhere. She has what is called femoral anteversion which is a fancy name that means her little legs are rotated all the way up where her femur connects into her hip joint. Her tibia is also somewhat twisted. So both legs turn in slightly which cause her frequent stumbling episodes. Nothing to worry about, nothing to be done and the hope is she will slowly grow out of it. But if she doesn't there are no long term effects other than the scraped knees! Kind of adds to her sweet and silly little self!!

Lyme Disease...Again

2011-05-26T14:40:00.002-04:00

I am aware of the fact that I did a post almost 2 years ago about Lyme Disease but since it has revisited our home I decided it should also revisit my blog. Make sense?

Last Thursday evening Eden started running a fever that was around 102 degrees. It seemed really strange since she was still up and playing. I thought maybe the thermometer I had just purchased was faulty but it gave me the same read multiple times. Friday morning she still had fever and was crying that her head and neck hurt. I checked the back of her neck and saw a red rash. I remembered that she had complained about something being in her hair the week before and when I had checked I noticed a small spot but I wasn't positive it was a tick. But I tucked it away telling myself if she started exhibiting symptoms I would call the doctor. Saturday rolled around and she still was crying about her head and neck and the fever lingered on. By Monday morning her fever was lessening and the rash had disappeared. I kept wrestling with taking her to the doctor but felt silly since she seemed to be getting better. Except for the complaining about her neck and the additional complaints of ouchy legs. Coupled with lots of tears all day long over things that normally didn't bother her.

I took her in on Tuesday feeling like a real moron since I had a chipper, happy little girl. I just couldn't shake the feeling in my gut. I asked to see the same doctor that had diagnosed Shane nearly two years ago. While I like all of the doctors at our children's pediatrician practice he seems to not always do things like the text books would tell you to. He agreed that the symptoms were suspicious but unusual that they had started disappearing so quickly. Due to the nature of the disease he wanted to do bloodwork to be safe. We came home and as the day wore on and the crying and tears continued I was more convinced than ever that something wasn't right.

He called yesterday to confirm that the test came back positive so now we begin the 3 week regimen of antibiotics. I would strongly advise you all to check your children daily for ticks. A tick has to be attached to you for at least 48 hours to pass the bacteria and infect you. Good chance if you find a tick and remove it from your body you will be fine. It is the ticks you don't find that eat there fill and drop off that are the culprits. This weekend alone we pulled a tick off of Tristan, Eden, Shane, Judah and myself. Judah found one on him after being outside yesterday again and the school called today to let me know he had found another tick on himself. We are checking really, really good every night at bedtime and hoping that we can avoid any more infected people at this house!

Common symptoms: bulls eye rash, fever, aches, chills, headaches, stiff neck, sensitive skin, joint pain. If you have a combination of any of these symptoms for more than a few days call your doctor and ask for a blood test. We feel extremely grateful that we caught it again in the early stages and are very hopeful to avoid any long term affects. It must be extremely painful based on the tears.

And if you come to visit you may find guinea birds in our yard since they are voracious tick eaters. Nothing says, "Hello and welcome" to our home like poop on the porch!! In all seriousness, educate yourself and stay alert. Deer ticks are so incredibly tiny they look like tiny moles on your skin! You have to go searching to find them. And now I am itching all over and convinced things are crawling on my skin so I must go check. Happy checking everyone!!

Embarking on the Inevitable

2011-05-18T12:36:00.003-04:00

In the whole journey of adoption there are certain things you encounter with your child that is unique only to their story. They walk through things that your other children never have to think about. The obvious things like skin color, seeing all the blank spaces on family medical history sections of paperwork and the questioning stares. And the not so obvious things like struggling with intense feelings of rejection. Inevitably they begin to ask questions about their family or origin. And fortunately for us we have some answers to give Eden. I am forever grateful that God chose to honor my request of entrusting us with a child who was a true orphan so that I have a few answers to give her.

Within the past few months Eden has become keenly aware of pregnant woman, babies, nursing, etc. She made an off-hand comment one day about me having had a brown baby and white babies come from my belly. I knew this was the moment that I would sit and we would start delving into the truth that I was not her first mommy. We sat and I started explaining that she had in fact grown in her brown mommy's belly and that her mommy must have been so excited when she was born! I went on to explain that her first mommy and daddy for some reason had to leave this earth and had died when she was itty-bitty. She was puzzled yet seemed to be understanding. I was struggling with tears that wanted to squeak past my eye-lids. The moments that I allow myself to think about what her mother must have felt when she realized she was dying and leaving this helpless beautiful little girl behind just breaks me.

She took all this information in and began verbally processing with me. She told me that when her mommy died she was very sad. (which i'm sure she was) She said that they put her in a crib and she cried. (again...I'm sure she did) And then she said that she prayed for us to come and we did!! (not so sure about that one)

I know she is far too young to fully grasp all of this but it was a good start to opening up how she came to be a part of our family.

But then at the end of last week Shane informed her that she has a brother in Ethiopia which opened up a whole new set of discussions and questions. When are we going to get him? Why isn't he here yet? Why aren't we going? What is his name? Talked her through those questions and told her we would continue to pray that God keeps Him safe. And assured her that someday we will try to go find him which we fully intend to do! Maybe if we adopt again within the next 2 years we will take extra time to go looking. That is what we have talked about anyhow.

Two weeks ago I took Eden to have a surgical procedure done on the side of her face. She had a benign cyst that had been bothering her for a good 9 months now and we decided to give it a try and see if she could handle having it removed. She did amazing!! I walked out of there so proud of her tenacity and how brave she was through all of it. There had been a promise given to her that she would receive a milk shake when everything was done. We stopped at the local dairy shop and waited in line to get her milk shake. A very nicely dressed older woman who seemed quite refined was behind us in line. She said to me, "May I ask you a personal question? Is your little girl adopted?" When people ask that question you never know what questions are going to follow. She seemed to gentle and kind and it felt safe to engage. I told ther that "yes, she is in fact adopted." She got a broad smile and said, "So am I! I was adopted 70 years ago! We are the lucky ones!" We talked for a few minutes and I was so encouraged by her sweet spirit. She could have remained quiet and not said anything to me. But her simple conversation with me was the highlight of that day!

The Bird

2011-05-13T13:42:00.002-04:00

A few days ago we were leaving the house to take Judah's forgotten saxophone to school and nearly stepped on our little visitor. I of course had to ask Mark what kind of bird it was since I can't identify birds outside of robins, doves,blue jays, cardinals.....the common ones. Pretty sure he said it was a yellow warbler! Whatever it was it was fawned over!

Pretty sure the bird was shocked by the attention and little hands that were touching it. We ran to the school, came back and it was still sitting on the porch. We thought it must be injured but just as we were about to check it out a bit more thoroughly it took flight! And about scared the snot out of us!!

This is just something I witnessed upon entering the girls' room. Pretty sure the "fluffies" get played with more around here than pretty much anything else.

Finding myself incredibly grateful today for friends and sisters that help to sustain me during these long, exhaustive days of spring! This has been the busiest spring for Mark so far and just when I feel like I am reaching my max the days have gotten longer. But in the midst of it I have been blessed with friends that check on me daily and encourage me. I know this truly is a season and God has been exceedingly gracious to me in my moments of weakness!

The Perks of Motherhood

2011-05-09T20:52:00.003-04:00

Continuing in the vein of motherhood I thought I would share some pictures and conversations with my favorite people over the past few days! This is just plain cute having the girls all matchy-matchy! Clearly Heidi thinks the pockets are the best thing about wearing this skirt. And the only reason Eden would wear the skirt was because she could match Heidi. I seriously never could have imagined that having two little girls could be so fun. Watching them transition into sisters is so rewarding!

Early morning pillow/fluffy/snuggle time on mom and dad's bed. In most homes I do believe the correct term for all the fluffies is stuffed animals. When Shane was a little guy he called them fluffies and that has remained what they are called to this day!

Yes....that is Heidi dragging her pillow all around the yard! This afternoon a lot of fluffies, blankets and pillows found themselves having a party in our yard! Complete with all the fluffies being carried to precarious heights in the tree and propped in the branches!

Shane even thought it would be relaxing to literally hang out in the tree! Didn't work as well as he thought.

Making funny faces! These three are becoming quiet the trio! Heidi is suddenly morphing into one of the big kids and she is usually found with these two. Tristan is the one who helps everyone stay on track and obey the rules. The girls try to run his conscientious little self over but he holds his own pretty good!

Top reason I love being a mom is for these dreamy looks! And for the crazy things they say. Here are my top favorite things I overheard or was a part of today:

Tristan: When I grow up I will be an uncle to our house!

Judah: Pretty much everything is made in China...except for us!

Eden: It is taking God a long time to give me a baby!

Me: Well....you need to be quite a bit older and you should be married to have a baby.

Eden: I am married!!

Me: To who?

Eden: To my first mommy!!

Our conversations about her first mommy need to be saved for a post all of their own! Sweet times! Maybe next time.....

A Tribute to my Mother

2011-05-08T14:22:00.002-04:00

Earlier this week I sat at my kitchen table eating dinner with a dear friend (since both of our husbands were working late) and I found myself in a familiar place. Not familiar because I have lived it but because a majority of my friends have found themselves there so I hear about this place. The place of having a broken relationship with their mother. Relationships that are based on manipulation, unrealistic expectations, never enough, intrusive, etc. I looked at my friend and said, "I am sorry but I cannot even pretend to know what that is like. I have no basis of understanding. I really have nothing to say since my relationship with my mother is the polar opposite."

And I am coming to realize slowly but shorely that the relationship I have with my mother must not be the norm. My experience is that of a relationship built on trust, of mutual friendship, of love. She really is one of my best friends! I know I will get wisdom, Godly counsel and truth when I speak with her!

Her life has not been one of ease I can assure you! She has worked harder than a woman should have to work in order to keep things running smoothly. On those days I find myself wanting to complain about my life I think of hers and thank God instead! Seriously......crazy amounts of hard work! And at the time of her life when she should have been able to start thinking of cutting back I watched her walk with absolute integrity through the dissolving of her marriage. Those initial weeks and months were extremely difficult but her faith never once wavered!

At different times I will get hit with this wave of understanding that someday I will not be able to pick up the phone to tell her about my day or the antics of my children and I am deeply saddened. I try not to think about that reality because the lump in my throat becomes almost impossible to swallow around. I know now more than ever that I have been given a tremendous gift of friendship with my mother. She is one of my biggest supporters and the thought of having that support beam gone is almost more than I can handle.

She has more friends than most and I think it is a testament to her gift of friendship. She has friends from grade school and friends who are young enough to be her daughters. I cannot begin to tell you how often when I call she has a friend there for lunch, is making dinner for a friend that is coming over, going out to breakfast with a friend, etc. She is a wealthy woman when it comes to friendship and I really hope I follow in her footsteps in that regard.

So Mom....if you are reading this I just want you to know that you are deeply loved! Even though we all give you a hard time about so many things (esp childhood walking buddies to school) I think deep down you know we couldn't be prouder of how you have lived out your life. Especially the past 10 years! I know without a shadow of doubt that God smiles on you every day!

I know my mother helped to shape and mold the person I am today. And I am grateful she was the one with whom God entrusted me. And this is my bumbling attempt at saying I think my mother is pretty great!!

Spring Weather

2011-04-29T12:30:00.004-04:00

So this week spring arrived in style!! With summer like temperatures but you won't hear anyone at this house complaining. This winter seemed somewhat eternal to me but I think it is safe to say it has retired for yet another year. We spent all week outside and that isn't too much of an exaggeration. I told Mark if this is an indicator of how the rest of the summer is going to be that we will need to hire someone to clean the house since I hardly got to see the inside of the house this week. I was kind of joking but kind of not!
We spent hours and hours on this broken bridge. It is their favorite place to play! They can dangle their feet in the water, throw stones and run up and down the bridge since it slants towards the middle. They also get splinters which is awesome!

And this little girl has one speed that is overdrive! She is quick, quiet and if you aren't watching vigilantly she is gone! Not a problem later in the summer when the creeks are lower and things start drying up but for now it makes me nervous. With all the storms this week everything is running full right now which is great for the older ones who seem to think they need to "swim" 5 times a day but not as great for the peanut who doesn't understand the danger of water.

See the theme here? Always running - rarely walking.

Eden had a few things to do on this afternoon and was riding her "bike" to her work site. The rest of the week was spent .......

making funny faces......

examining the bleeding hearts that were blooming.......

playing in the sandbox or in Heidi's case dumping the sand out of the sandbox.......

climbing trees and swinging on rope swings.....

picking violets and looking cute......

and jumping in the water for hours on end. Throw in a few missed naps, some slight sunburn, excessive jumping on the trampoline, hours spent in the sprinkler, time spent on schoolwork, extra laundry due to the water play and you have our week!

I walked Judah out to meet the bus this morning and we saw the most beautiful rainbow at 7:25 in the morning!! It was like a kiss from God this morning! I walked back into the house voicing my gratefulness to my Creator that He created spring and new life! I love the spring season!! And now to run and get caught up on some housework since everyone thinks it is cold today!

Innocence

2011-04-27T20:10:00.002-04:00

My heart is drawn in and captivated by her innocence! I love my busy days with her!!

Blasted Sickness

2011-04-21T13:47:00.002-04:00

I find that having multiple sick kiddos at the same time does a number on my energy levels. Having nights on end of little sleep puts a damper on the little bit of creativity I like to think I have. Dragging in all areas right now! I won't bore you with all the details but in the past two weeks we have been visited by fevers, croup, coughing to the point of vomiting during the night (especially fun), multiple doctor visits, an infected gland that was freakishly large....and there could possibly be more that my tired brain is not able to remember. Fortunately Mark and I have come through unscathed except for the hours of sleep that I need to regain somehow.

And tomorrow will find as back at the doctor again for Heidi's well check. She abhors the doctor so that will be enjoyable. We can never get an accurate weight because she is bailing off the scale, she screams the entire time we are near anything that looks like an exam room - overall panic on her part! Good thing that starbucks is giving away a free cup of coffee tomorrow if you bring in a reusable container because I am going to need some extra help.

Thankful for friends who care about me in the midst of caring for my children. To many seasoned mothers of multiple children these days of exhaustion are a distant memory so I almost hesitate to beat this dead horse. For whatever reason I have always operated best on between 8-9 hours of sleep so I am constantly aware of my need for His strength! I really can't do everything that needs to get done without His help. And sometimes in the middle of the day I sense I need His rest. So the children play quietly (or not) while I rest on the couch and catch a few winks of sleep. And last week one day my dear friend texted me first thing in the morning to tell me she would be bringing our family dinner. Just because! I haven't felt so loved in such a long time! Having a friend who can sense the weariness and who responds by serving us! It was splendid just spending the afternoon snuggling, playing games with the kids and not once worrying about having to work on dinner!

As far as I can tell we are on the mend at this house. I will have to regale you with the tales of a poopy butt print on the shower curtain another day! For now children are needing snacks which is a sure sign things are looking up - appetites are returning!!

It's Birthday Time

2011-04-15T15:02:00.002-04:00

It's true.....the baby of the house is morphing into a very independent, fiery girl who is turning 2 on this gloriously, sunny day! She has been a gift in every way! I know I have said it so often but I will say it again - I am forever grateful that God broke into my carefully planned (controlled) life and saw fit to reward us with this treasure! She has brought so much life to our home!

She has always had a close relationship with Shane but kept Judah at a distance. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Shane is around everyday while Judah is gone at school. I know it bothered Judah when he would ask for hugs at bedtime and she would look away from him. She would go climb in bed with Shane, snuggle down in his covers and ignore Judah. More than once he had tears in his eyes at what he perceived as his sister preferring his brother over him.

Suddenly though she is seeking Judah out and spending time with him. One day this week Judah asked her to walk with him to the "pond" to look at the ducks with him. She held his hand and off they went. A few days later we were all out throwing rocks at the bridge and she again walked away from all of us and went to sit with Judah on the porch. And she couldn't have gotten any closer unless she had been sitting on his lap. I don't know what is changing but I am so grateful she is seeking him out. Such sweet pictures of a brother with his little sister!!

We have seen definite signs of improvement with her speech and sleep since getting the tubes in her ears 2 months ago. We are so thankful! Her speech is slow in coming but we are patient. We are celebrating 2 years of life today with this sweetie!

Multi-tasking.......

2011-04-13T08:55:00.002-04:00

....at its finest!! Having two conversations while pushing her babies in the stroller! The girl knows how to get things done! All while wearing a highly appropriate shirt - Miss Chatterbox!! Someone gave us this shirt and it is her new favorite. Someone help!

Little Lovie

2011-04-12T09:07:00.002-04:00

What is this you ask? A love offering from my youngest boy who seems to be growing up far too quickly! We spent a chunk of the day outside yesterday and he brought this to me with sparkly eyes! We put it on the steps so I wouldn't forget to bring it inside when it was time to start making dinner. I didn't think about it again (hard to admit) until I went to climb into bed. There on the floor beside my bed was my "flower".

It is still beside my bed and will remain there until all the needles fall off to remind me of my little guy's love!

If only you were all so blessed to receive pine tree branches from such a sweet boy!

Carrington

2011-04-08T13:24:00.002-04:00

If you haven't been following Carrington's story I urge you to read her updates. She is slowly gaining, getting prepared for surgery and is a miracle! I struggle a lot with the reality that there are countless other children who remain in similar situations as her. I don't have time to go into the details of my struggle today but hope to soon. For now go see her and maybe leave an encouraging comment for her family. www.carringtonscourage.blogspot.com

Taste of Spring

2011-04-05T21:36:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we had a teasing taste of spring. It was sandwiched in between chilly temperatures in the morning and thunderstorms later afternoon. In the middle you would find my passel of children tearing things up outside. Trees had to be climbed.....

and conquered....

According to Eden it was perfect for wading in the little "creek" and scavenging for sticks.

Heidi was not impressed with the bridge getting wet from Tristan and Eden's traipsing through the water and then leaving a trail of wet footprints. For the record...she was fully clothed when we first went outside even if her shirt was part of her pj's. At one point we were all going inside, or so I thought, and had to remove dirty, muddy pants and shoes. Heidi chose that time to make a get-away!

A taste of spring that was short-lived but I am hopeful it will be returning soon!

Celebrating 3 Years

2011-04-01T15:13:00.002-04:00

Today marks three years since Eden's tiny little feet touched American soil! It is great cause for celebration!! I look at the transformation in this little person and I am amazed. This is the last picture we received of Eden before going to pick her up. I remember looking at her picture and thinking she looked even sadder than the 2 previous pictures we had received which broke my heart. You see some referral pictures that have happy, smiley babies who look like they are giggling but we didn't have any of those. I was struck with this reality again today upon seeing a beautiful little baby girl who will soon be joining our church family. Smiling and looks content. My mind flashed back to all the pictures we had of Eden before making the trip and I realized something. Her eyes are fearful. Distrusting. Sorrowful. And my heart broke anew. How naive I was to think we would rush in, scoop her up and fix her world! Her heart and mind had pathways already in place that are taking lots of time and love to reroute. I look at her almost every night while she is sleeping and ask God to continue to equip us to bring healing to her heart. We have seen tremendous progress this year. I realized while doing her annual report that I feel a new level of attachment has happened. I no longer feel like she would go with just anyone and be fine. I think she would desperately miss us and sees us clearly as her family. I do still feel like certain people who she really loves she would adjust with them and that still is a bit bothersome but can you blame her? She gets lots of special attention from people that fills her little tank. She is a ravishing beauty!! I am continuing to pray God captures her heart completely and that His beauty will radiate from her as she grows into a young woman.

I don't think anyone could say that she isn't going to turn more than one head as she gets older!

We really appreciate those of you who have prayed with us over the past year. We ask that you continue to pray when Eden comes to your mind. We have encountered some serious ugly over the past 6 weeks! We just really covet your prayers as we journey through this next layer of healing with her. Pray specifically for protection over my heart (sounds selfish) but my heart has been aching. It isn't easy knowing your child has experienced pain that is affecting them although they cannot begin to put into words what they feel. Eden will tell me sometimes as she is sobbing that she feels sad. Which is amazing considering every time I ask the boys what they are feeling I get an "I don't know."

So would you join us in thanking God today for his preservation and protection in Eden's life? We are rejoicing today!

Sister Love

2011-03-29T17:24:00.002-04:00

It is starting to happen. It is like a bud that needs to mature and bloom but it is beginning to form. The bond between sisters. I am watching Eden help and nurture Heidi and it makes my heart glad. The sightings have been brief but enough to give me hope! Eden encouraging and showing Heidi how to do a puzzle.

And in the pieces go!!

Of course Heidi has to keep it real! No normal smile for this peanut!!

Monday Madness

2011-03-28T21:32:00.002-04:00

Today was one of those days. If you have children I have said enough already. You know exactly what I am implying! Here is how ours went. We started the day in typical fashion - breakfast, getting dressed, making beds, started some laundry, started school, realized Judah forgot his lunch (not typical for him at all), brushed some teeth....The part I was looking forward to the most was a visit from my dear friend and her 2 year old son. Sounds wonderful, right? Except that Heidi thinks she owns every square inch in this house when her friend Luke is around. Including the air we all breathe. She is hot on his trail the entire time we are together. Lunch time came......and then went and we finished up school. The energy level seemed to keep growing and my head started spinning. Heidi woke from her nap and for some reason I picked today to dismantle her crib and transition her to a bed. She was super excited as were the other kids.! Especially when I said the crib mattress was going to have to be disposed of after being used for 10 years. This meant they could take all their pent up energy and start riding the mattress down the stairs! By the amount of laughter and rising noise levels I would say the make shift amusement park in my house was a huge success! Heidi chose this time of distraction to open and dump the fish food all over the floor. I texted my friend (who still likes me even though my daughter is unusually harsh with her son) and said I felt like I was reaching the boiling point which is never good for anyone. I carried the crib out to the garage, walked upstairs to get the vacuum to clean up the fish food and screamed! There was a bird flying around my house!! Like a drunkin' crazy bird! Flying into windows (which are not clean like the windex commercials), into the walls, got caught in a plant and eventually perched itself on the curtain rod. I was trying to contain my screams but spastic birds in small spaces can make even the bravest person jittery. Judah said he would go get something to help catch the bird. I set about opening windows hoping the bird would take flight. All the while realizing the bird must have come into the house when I had the door open transferring the crib to the garage. The bird took one more mad dash around the living room terrifying Heidi and Eden and found an open window. Judah rushed in to save the day with a tennis racket?? I guess he thought he would just hit the bird much like he does when he kills bees outside. So glad the bird escaped before it got plastered on my wall by my racket wielding son! I texted my friend back and said the boiling point was over! God had sent a bird to break up the tension! My kids actually all ate a good dinner which is something akin to miraculous! And how does a mom get a few quiet moments to clean up dinner? By recruiting her sons to read stories to the littles! It works people! They sit quietly for a few minutes and they would much rather read stories than wipe off the table and load the dishwasher. Notice the weapon of choice still on the floor of the living room?

Everyone is quiet, settled and snug in their beds! That is all the excitement I can handle for one day!!

Visit Take Two

2011-03-26T13:15:00.002-04:00

The evening before Mark and I left for our little get-away we had our second lovely visit from the all together delightful Hildebrand family! Really wishing they weren't going to be on the other side of the world as of today but......that is the reality! So we are grateful for the moments we got to spend with them and who knows. Maybe our next get-away will be to Turkey! I did have a dream months ago that I was visiting them in Turkey. I was going to say I have a feeling that this picture of Shane with Heidi and Vienna could be a prophetic picture of the days to come but thought I should clarify. I in no way am insinuating that he will have more than one woman in his life! What I do know is he loves, loves the "littles" and I think there should be full disclosure to his future wife that he will probably want lots of littles!

Is it just me or does Vienna look like Heidi? They even have blankets that are almost identical!

Yohanis and Vienna tackling Judah! He thoroughly enjoyed every minute of the "torture"! And sadly that is about the extent of pictures I got this time around! Too busy talking and trying to squeeze in as much as possible before they had to leave.

I am sure they would appreciate your prayers as they readjust and get acclimated to their life once again in Turkey. And for Yohanis this will be the first time seeing his home! Bless you guys and the work He has called you to do!!

More Thoughts on Seasons

2011-03-23T12:53:00.002-04:00

I was recently talking with a friend and lamenting the fact that I felt like I had let my first love slip amidst all the demands and busyness of life. That from the time my feet hit the floor in the morning until they find their way back under the covers at night I have things that need to be done. I carelessly threw out the words "this season of my life" without much thought. I have heard that phrase countless times from well meaning people who are trying to encourage but it has had the opposite affect for me. This season that I am in is full of demands on my time. From little people in the night to countless drinks in the day to a husband who is calling needing information on a client to a boy who needs snuggled....those who are moms totally understand the phrase "this season of your life". We all give each other the look, shrug our shoulders, resign ourselves to the fact that we must remain in survival mode in order to get to the next season.

Something has never felt right about those words though. Something in my spirit didn't align with them. Something seemed amiss. Doesn't God promise to meet us daily? Doesn't He say that His grace is sufficient in our weakness? (I know He promises that because it is posted where I see it everyday) Doesn't He say the very reason for this drudgery filled season is actually a REWARD from Him? Are not the little people who lick the windows then smear the slobber actually His blessing to us? Am I not selfish to think of this blessing filled time in my life as a heavy laden burden to be drug around as I try to accomplish something important?

As I lamented to my friend that I miss my First Love and that I desire to fall in love with Him again she spoke amazing words of truth to me that resonated deep in my soul and blew His Spirit straight onto my weary heart! Basically what she spoke to me were these words: "This whole idea of our young children being a difficult season are lies from the enemy and they mess with my head!" I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest!!

Yes! Yes!! Lies! That is why I have been so reluctant to believe them. I can walk in His joy at all times! What does it say in Ecclesiastes? "That everyone may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all his toil - this is the GIFT of God!!"

What? This daily grind could actually be a gift from God? This daily laying down my desires to help train my children could actually be a gift? These little souls God has entrusted to me are actually helping me die to myself daily. These little people that interrupt nearly every conversation, need help on the potty also need their spirits nurtured and nourished. They bring me to my knees everyday! I feel inadequate for the job but that is secondary to His equipping of me in the moment! I can learn to be content whatever the circumstance! (Philippians 4:12)

Now...let me insert a disclaimer here: I am in no way implying that being a wife/mother is ever easy! The demands are great !! The piles of laundry, the eating battles, the refusal to get showers because stinking is suddenly the coolest, the countless spills that make you want to give up on ever having a clean kitchen floor, the muddy fingerprints on the walls, the bikes scattered everywhere, the pee in the pants, the sore feet from stepping on random toys....all very real battles in every home. At least if we were all completely honest we would say that we deal with these scenario's daily. So the demands are great - we can all agree to that.

What I am trying to say that this "season" can be joy filled! It doesn't have to be survived in order to get to the next more fun filled season. Because frankly....every season is difficult. Life is just difficult plain and simple. Hearts are wounded, friendships are rocky, relationships become strained.....life is a rhythm of joy and sorrow. It is what keeps us desperate for our Father! At least it keeps me desperate for Him.

My challenge today is breath deep in the moment! If you are mother with small children stop looking at your days as days to survive and instead look at your days as treasured moments with little people that God rewarded you with! I will do my best to remember as well. Can't promise I won't loose perspective on a daily basis but I am asking God to remind me quickly of what has eternal value!! The only thing of eternal value in my home in my daily care are my husband and children! All else can just wait!

Carrington Update

2011-03-21T19:05:00.003-04:00

For those interested in praying for Carrington and following her journey there is a blog called http://www.carringtonscourage.blogspot.com Please continue to pray for this little sweetie and for her family. It is an absolute miracle that she survived as long as she did!!

Good for the Soul

2011-03-21T12:30:00.002-04:00

So here's the deal: Mark and I haven't been away just the two of us since we were in Ethiopia which is three years ago this week. There are a few reasons why it hasn't happened. The glaringly obvious is finding someone to watch our brood of children. Or maybe I should word it differently....asking someone to watch our children because we have people offer from time to time but I hate to ask someone to fill my shoes for a few days. Another reason why it doesn't happen is we are cheap! I don't know if we think we aren't worth the time and money or if it is just a comfortable excuse. Because getting away is costly but oh so worth it!! And the lovely thing about this get-away was that our hotel was paid for! I won a contest so we had a lovely room that didn't cost us a penny. The outlets located about a mile from the hotel did actually cost us a few pennies!

It was so nice sleeping in, taking naps, browsing shops, eating yummy food and not having to keep looking at your watch to see if we needed to head home yet. The first day/night I thought I might cry because I missed my Heidi so much. Spent a few minutes stressing about the fact I didn't seem to miss the other kids as intensely but chalked it up to this being the first time leaving her. I have been away from the other kids and they survived so I knew this time would be no different.

I loved getting phone calls from the kids and hearing how grown up they sounded. I realized that the older two really are way more capable and responsible than I knew. Judah packed his lunch, remembered to take his saxophone to school, fed his snake.....things I wondered if he could pull off without me being around and he did beautifully!!

As great as it was being away and spending uninterrupted time with Mark (and it was wonderful) coming home to my children was great!! I missed them so much and it felt great coming home to their hugs and endless chatter! Who wouldn't want to come home to this?

Of course they slept great for grandma and jumped right back into being awake all hours of the night when I returned. Grrr....These three bambino's must have some sort of pact to keep their mother tired. I wish they would call it off!!

And I celebrated being home by taking Eden to our local urgent care - it is a whole long process actually talking to a doctor at the pediatrician's office on the weekends. She has swelling on her jawline very similar to the two times she had an infected gland so I figured that is what we were dealing with again. The doctor didn't address the swollen cheek as much after checking her ears and seeing they were both infected. Hopefully the strong antibiotics will knock it out of her system soon seeing she can hardly eat from the pain in her cheek. She is being a trooper though. True Eden fashion!!

Missing

2011-03-19T08:58:00.002-04:00

I know I have been absent for quite a while now. It is called life! And sometimes a week disappears into the great abyss and you don't know where it went. I have been trying to be more purposeful about being aware of where my time. And frankly....reading stories and snuggling little ones is more important than a blog.

And I don't have time now to blog either. I actually had a little get-away with my husband that I will tell you about later. For now take a few minutes and click on Sarah's blog on my list - it says Urgent! Prayer needed for Carrington!! I wish so badly God would come back when I read stuff like this! Please pray for the fragile state of this little one and that God would begin healing her tiny, tiny body!

Happy weekend to you all!!

My Boys

2011-03-10T08:38:00.002-05:00

Earlier this week I was doing my daily primping which consists of 20 seconds in front of the mirror. But something caught my eye. There was a solitary hair on my head that had a little extra shimmer to it. Sure enough......it was a gray/white hair! This is not a new phenomenon but it seems to be a little more frequent. I pulled the hair out and went in search of the boys. I said to Judah and Shane, "Umm....I think your mother is getting old. Look at this hair!" To which they both responded immediately, "You are not old mom! Sometimes that just happens!"

I love those boys! And just for the record my eight year old son has not been informed that in some circles holding his mother's hand in public would be deemed uncool! Nope! He did not get that memo yet and this momma is pretty happy about that!

I think my boys are pretty great!

Praying today

2011-03-09T07:56:00.002-05:00

Before we get to the good stuff I just want to acknowledge that I am aware my blog is looking a little incomplete and out of whack. I will work on it in my spare time. My eyes hurt when trying to read the writing on the black background so I switched things around. Hope I can figure it all out.

Last night as I was drifting off to sleep the verse in Ephesians 6 was swirling in my mind. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I am convinced the uncertainty and the possible changes coming to Ethiopia are in fact powers of this dark world! Too many children are finding hope and the enemy is not happy!

On the heels of that verse was a verse my mother gave to me on Monday. In 1 Peter 3:12 - "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." A promise that I am holding onto today.

I feel much hope! I don't feel like this is a done deal! I am going to intercede on behalf of the children of Ethiopia today. But it doesn't have to stop there. We can pray for closed countries, such as Guatemala, to reopen. We can pray for the sweet extra-special babes in Ukraine. We can pray for our own children that God gives them compassionate hearts.....He is at work in this! Of this I am sure!

Surviving Winter

2011-03-08T13:53:00.002-05:00

March rolls around and everyone starts getting antsy for spring! We run out of things to occupy our time since we have exhausted all options! So we turn to emptying cupboards so we can hide. Notice Heidi's little feet and her fingers on the cupboard door? We get a visit from a cousin who happens to be a big hit at this house.

What day wouldn't look brighter with those sweet eyes?

Sometimes she barely escapes with her life after being mulled by Heidi! Heidi has always been gentle until the last time Annalise came for a visit. Oy!! We have our work cut out for us in the being kind/gentle department. She put a hurting on a friend's little boy last week and I carted her out of their house hoping to have retained a little dignity.

Another way we survive winter is by playing with friends and looking at books.

And sometimes Darth Vadar shows up with a baby in hand.

And when things really get bad you go into complete denial and refuse to see the snow on the ground and you pretend it is warm!!

You hike up your pants and run through the snow without shoes.

You expose your tiny little sun deprived legs and run on a dare to the snowman in the middle of the yard.

Your roll through the snow with bare feet, shorts and t-shirts......

You belly-flop in the snow pretending it is a pool of water....

Pick yourself up off the ground, brush off the snow and go again.

And if you are the mom you grab the camera to document these wild days and hope that none of the neighbors are looking or you may all be deemed lunatics!

Ethiopian Adoptions

2011-03-06T13:20:00.002-05:00

I am warning you up front - this one could get long. There is a lot stirring in my heart this week and it has kind of come to a head this weekend. I will do my best to articulate as clearly as possible but I can't make any promises that this will make sense.

Last weekend I was notified by one of my dearest friends who lives in Nairobi that they had experienced a senseless tragedy. There is a young couple with two small children who work with YWAM in Nairobi who attend my friend's church. Their names are Ebel and Lora Kremer. He worked with the least of these, the nameless and faceless orphans. He was helping build homes that could house up to 12 orphans that would be mothered by a widow! Which, by the way, I think is a fantastic way to care for both orphans and widows which James mandated in James 1:27 ...."Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." So Ebel and Lora had moved from the Netherlands to do exactly this. Someone broke into the YWAM base last Friday early morning - they shot and killed 36 year old Ebel and sexually assaulted his wife. All of this trauma unfolding in front of their two small children. Now, some may say that these things happen everyday somewhere, right? And there is truth to that. At this point they don't feel like they were targeted but that it was just a horrible robbery. Except that I don't believe it was random. I think the enemy didn't like what Ebel was doing. I think that the enemy was seeking to destroy. My friend's husband put it so amazingly well when he said something along these lines: "Satan NEVER wins! God has not had his say yet, this is not over, and Satan will pay for what he has done - exponentially!"

All week long I have been praying and interceding for my friends who are walking through this, for Lora and her children as they have packed up their life to return to the Netherlands and for the children who remain in Nairobi. I have been impressed upon again the fight over the souls of these forgotten children!! They are not forgotten by God! He knows them each by name! He created them in His image!

Fast forward through the week to this weekend. For those of you in the adoption world I am sure you have heard the possible changes happening in Ethiopia that would greatly impact the adoption process! Long story short: Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA) in Ethiopia have to sign off on each adoption as well as the courts. Right now they process around 40 cases a day! MOWA just gave notification that they will be cutting back the number of cases they process to 5 a day!!! This means it will take 8 times longer for families to be united with their children! We are talking about an insane decrease in Ethiopian adoptions being processed!! And for those children with HIV, special needs, etc....this could be a death sentence.

This has my spirit all riled up today!! I thought through things yesterday but today my spirit has risen up! God's promises are "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." - John 14:18. "God sets the lonely in families....." - Psalm 68:6. There is something else going on here. Again...I can't help but see the enemy at work here. He is contrary to everything God has spoken. And the fact that children would remain alone, lonely and waiting....well that smacks of only making the enemy of their souls happy! I have found myself crying angry, sad and desperate tears. My heart is crying out, "God!! Would you please move heaven and earth this week?"

There are big meetings happening this week between the adoption lawyers, Minister of MOWA and president of the courts to talk about possible solutions to this crisis. I know there is a day of fasting and prayer being mobilized for Wednesday, March 9th! Would you join with me and the thousands of others storming heaven on that day? Seriously.....for those of you who think you can't really do anything to help the orphan. This is your time! You do not have to give anything monetarily - you just have to be willing to get on your knees! Get your children praying with you. As families. As friends. I am just asking you to pray hard this week for hearts to be softened. For solutions to be found. For these children to not be held up in the system.

Isaiah 58:6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of the injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?"

I had someone tell me at the beginning of our adoption of Eden that God moves heaven and earth for the orphan. And I believe it!! I am believing for resolution in this specific situation in Ethiopia!! Would you believe with me? Would you join me on Wednesday?

Our Visit

2011-02-28T20:51:00.003-05:00

I know I have mentioned my friend Charity numerous times but did you know I had never met her in person? We connected through our blogs ages ago and since she is half a world away we email regularly to keep in touch and learn more about each other. I feel like I have known her all my life yet I found myself extremely nervous when she wondered if they could come visit. Even though we had talked about it and planned on getting our families together when they were back in the States finishing up the adoption of their son Yohanis I was still nervous. I cannot even begin to imagine meeting a significant other through the internet and preparing for the first meeting. I should not have been anxious about anything! The connection was instant, easy and we thoroughly enjoyed our time with Charity, her husband Joel and their sweet children! I am glad she made me get over my dislike of having my picture taken because this picture of the two of us has become a treasure!

The kids all seemed to have a lot of fun too! Even though I couldn't tell you what all they did since I was busy learning about everything Joel and Charity do in Turkey. I am always so intrigued by other cultures.

Shane and their daughter Vienna became fast pals!

We lined all the kids up, minus Heidi, after they all had their footie jammies on! They looked so cute all lined up.

This picture is pretty much a duplicate of the other one except that Yohanis had clearly thought we had taken enough pictures. He was ready to bale off the couch and get back to his balloon! And Vienna looks like she was rubbing her nose on Shane's cheek!

We are really hoping for another visit before they have to return to Turkey. How is it possible to miss someone you have only met once? And now where you can all help. Joel has an amazing gift. He makes beautiful pottery! While they have been home he has been busy making pottery for an online auction. Since they are in missions this is a way to supplement their support and help with unexpected costs. Would you take some time and browse their auction site? http://www.potteryauction.blogspot.com We now personally have a piece of his pottery and I must say it is exceptional!! You will not be disappointed!! You can click on Charity's blog link over on the side and see more pictures of their visit. She has some really sweet pictures too!

Endless Winter

2011-02-28T13:20:00.003-05:00

Can you tell winter is beginning to get the best of me? I feel so completely uninspired and mostly just like a blob! A blob that moves from one task to the next without really even noticing what is being done (or not done) until partway through the day when my eyes seem to actually register what is passing before them. I think I was feeling a little too good about myself and how well I was handling winter. Then I got blind sided somewhere in February! I keep telling myself that if I can just get through March all will be well.

But I don't want to just endure the next month. I want to enjoy it! I need to find that bounce in my step instead of stumbling through my day! The key for me is to not look at myself (which I obviously am) and instead look at what I can do to bless/help someone else. Hmmm....

I will soon post some fun pictures of a visit with my first "internet friend." And in that post I will give you an opportunity to bid on some incredibly beautiful pieces of pottery to help our friends! You really should bid on them! We have a piece of his pottery in our home and it is gorgeous! I promise you will not be disappointed.

Birthday Celebrations

2011-02-21T13:29:00.003-05:00

First order of business for this post - MASHA HAS A FAMILY!! I do not know who yet but once I find out I will pass that info along. All I know is that she is spoken for and this makes my once dreary, snowy Monday seem bright! I cannot explain the ache that has plagued me since finding out about her. I know God has more for these little children than dying alone without ever knowing love!

And for the next order of business......

Judah happened to win a reading contest in his class and his reward was getting slimed by his teacher! Not sure that is the best strategy to getting your kids interested in reading. Except that for kids being in the spotlight is pretty appealing even if it means getting slimed! And on to Judah's birthday......birthday's are much more fun when you get to celebrate with friends, right? We packed up the kids after an early dinner and headed to our friends, the Sublett's, for a night of rowdy children and great conversation!

You cannot properly sing Happy Birthday unless you have accompaniment right? Sadie did a beautiful job playing on her cello while we sang!

Eden was waiting patiently for some cake and ice cream!

Hard to believe this handsome young man is 10 already!

Thanks Kim and Stacy for letting us crash at your house for the evening! I love watching all of our kids together. Their youngest is the age of our oldest but they still all mesh fairly well. And it is wonderful having friends who "get us"!

The day after Judah's birthday brought about his birthday date! He opted to just going to Wendy's for lunch because he was in a hurry to get to the skating rink. That's right folks! This momma had to put on some roller skates even though I haven't been skating since I was a teenager. He wanted to roller blade for his birthday date so that is exactly what we did. And do you know what? It was a blast!! We had fun and I actually want to go again soon!

Judah continues to be a very sensitive boy. He is very conscientious and we are hoping that stays through his teenage years! He knows he does better if he gets to bed on time so that can be a source of anxiety for him. There have been 2 times within the past month that he got to bed later than normal. He was so worried and mentioned numerous times on those nights that he should have just stayed home so he could have gone to bed. He would rather be early than late. He knows we leave the house every morning at 7:25 to walk out to the bus but without fail by 7:15 he starts worrying that I won't be ready on time. I have to remind him often that he has only ever missed the bus one time in nearly two years so I think we have a good track record. He is a creator, still loves art, loves to hunt, bird watch and be outside. He likes being around people, is social, thoroughly enjoys school, is highly competitive, doesn't do well with contact sports since he always gets hurt *wink*, and likes David Crowder a whole lot!

I find at times that we expect more out of him for some reason and that is something I am purposing to do better in this next year. Allow him to still make childish mistakes while calling on him to grow into becoming a man! We are grateful to have been blessed with 10 years so far with this sweet boy and look forward to the next 10!

Masha Update

2011-02-15T12:55:00.003-05:00

I promised to update about Masha but have hesitated because nothing has changed! She still is waiting to be rescued. How my heart has languished for this little treasure! I know there is someone paper ready and approved that God has hand-picked for her. She flutters through my heart and mind so many times throughout the day and night! Would you please continue to storm heaven on her behalf?

Maybe you don't know what awaits her at the institution. It is a battle for survival! You have to fight for your food. If someone is able to move faster, is bigger and gets to your food first you go without. Little Masha has CP and isn't able to walk on her own yet. She really won't survive if someone doesn't come quickly! If you can handle having your world wrecked just go to you tube and start looking for Bulgarian institution video's. It is no different in the Ukraine!

So my big battle right now is this: if I know what awaits these precious children upon their 4th birthday why am I not getting my butt in gear and pulling paperwork together to welcome one home? I wish I had an answer for you. My heart has been broken for these treasures yet I know it would be uncomfortable, difficult with many unknowns if we were to walk that road. I wish I could say I am at the place of laying down my will completely but I am still holding on to a few strands - not even threads - more like strands!

So as God works in my heart would you stand with me and continue to pray for Masha? That God would protect her, preserve her life and for her family to come forward soon!

Bedtime Mayhem

2011-02-12T20:37:00.002-05:00

What is your bedtime routine like at your house? At least those of you with littles. It is the most precious time of the day in so many ways. Their little hearts become very open and soft, they want to talk about deep things and sometimes meaningless silliness ensues. Somehow though bedtime always drags on and on as the kids all seem to congregate together. Like this night for instance....... I was laying on Tristan's bed singing him his list of songs that never changes and pretty soon there was a pile on the bed. I really do treasure these memories!

So this is the breakdown at our house: Eden asks me to sing Twinkle, Twinkle...Jesus Loves Me.....Jesus Loves the Little Children and You Are My Sunshine - every night! And Tristan asks for the same songs as Eden! After they are snug in their beds we move onto Judah and Shane. For the past year almost every night I have sung Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Jesus Loves Me. Occasionally they will ask for something else but it is rare!

As much as I love tucking them into bed I always take a deep breath once they are all settled. Another day finished! Some days are survival, some days are utter enjoyment but all days are blessed! As I head to bed at night I make my rounds. Kissing their heads, fixing their blankets, breathing in the wonderment of my children! How is it that God has seen fit to entrust these treasures to us?

Birthday Pictures - Finally

2011-02-09T18:27:00.002-05:00

Since there is a few less children in the house this evening I decided to take advantage of it and finally post a few pictures of Shane from his birthday. My days seem to swirl together and I sometimes wonder if I should even attempt to continue blogging. If I could connect a USB cable to my brain and download it straight to my computer we would be fine. It is finding the time before my brain is fried at the end of the day to post that is the challenge. But I decided this evening to sit down while Tristan and Heidi are playing to give you a peek into Shane's day!

Shane requested pancakes in bed for his birthday breakfast. We compromised on the location of eating the pancakes since they are messy and he was fine. There was 2 hour delay on his birthday so we had extra time to make the pancakes and bacon and open his presents. We took him out to the Waffle Shop again for his lunch date. He had lots of choices but went with his trusty side kick because they have wonderful hot chocolate and chocolate chip pancakes! I really think there date with mom and dad on their birthday is one of their favorite things. And he finished off his day with BBQ pulled pork, baked mac-n-cheese and corn. I love seeing what each child chooses for their birthday dinner. His Aunt Suzanne made his cake to his specifications! My kids have assured me that while my cakes are good they aren't as good as Suzannes! I have no problem with that because it is entirely true! Her cakes are delicious!

I always like the smokey candle pictures! Shane is a most amazing young man! He has the most sensitive of hearts and the tenacity of a lion! He loves his younger siblings in abundance and loves having Heidi snuggle with him every night on his bed! He plays with them every day and has such a creative imagination. Today they had blankets, sleeping bags and pillows covering the living room floor. For two hours they played that it was a beach, lava and I don't know what else. All I know is it was a huge mess but they had a grand time!

Like I said he has the tenacity of a lion which continues to be a challenge to navigate! He has an amazing inner strength and he does not like feeling controlled by anyone. If he feels like he has no options he shuts down. Tonight he and Judah had wrestling. It is one night a week for 6 weeks so it isn't too demanding. Well.....he decided he wasn't going. Oh boy! When he gets in that frame of mind you can have a war on your hands in split seconds. We told him that he needs to complete what he started to which he informed us yet again he was NOT going! Long story short he eventually went out the door stomping as loudly as possible and hitting the walls as he went. Good grief!! How can a child so sweet and sensitive be so hard headed? Still praying and asking for wisdom to hopefully get through some of this in the next few years!

And now I am going to spend some time with the two littles that are at home with me!

Urgent Need

2011-02-02T20:34:00.002-05:00

Okay....it has been a while since I have advocated for a child but it is time! This little girl MUST have a family in days! And I mean days! I know the chances are very slim that anyone reading my blog is paper ready that could jump in and rescue this little girl. It truly would be a rescue. She is 4 years old, the size of a 12-18 month old, has over $17,000 in her grant fund, is precious beyond words, deserves a family and is just days away from being transferred to the institution!! I cannot even describe to you the horrors that await her there! She has already had her physical by the doctors from the institution which means any day now she will be gone. Please, please head over to http://www.psalmsixtyeight.blogspot.com to see her picture, read more about her and click on the links there to read first hand accounts of how precious she is!

So, if I feel that no one reading my blog is paper ready why am I posting? I know how incredibly powerful prayer is and I know how much our Father absolutely adores these precious children that He created!! I am posting and asking that everyone who reads this pray for a family to step forward immediately!! Will you join with me in praying her home? Print out her picture and put it on your refrigerator, your bathroom mirrors - whatever it takes to remind you to pray! I will let you know when a family is found!

Seasons

2011-01-28T13:24:00.001-05:00

I read this story on another blog and it was so convicting I thought I would share it here as well.....

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted them to learn to not judge things too quickly, so he sent them each on a quest to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

He sent his first son in the winter, his second in the spring, his third in the summer and his youngest in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent and twisted.
The second son said no - the tree was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed and said the tree was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them: he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

After hearing all his son's responses the wise father replied, "Son's you are all right-because you have each seen only one season in the tree's life. But you cannot judge a tree, or a person, or anything else by only one season. Most things can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons have come to pass."

We all know how much it hurts to be judged unfairly or prematurely. I have been walking through a season with someone close to me that has been ultra confusing at times and super easy to pass judgement at other times. It is so easy to get caught up in the moment of trying to decipher truth that I forget to recognize the season at hand. Some seasons make absolutely no sense. Some seasons are really long. Some are really fruitful. Some are seasons of loss. There are seasons of restoration. Seasons of hope and life.

Sometimes I feel so devoid of wisdom. I desire to slow things down in my mind and in my life so that I operate out of a place of allowing His wisdom to flow from me. This picture of a fruit tree will stay with me forever. I am a picture kind of girl! That is why God so often speaks to me in dreams I think. Because the pictures stay filed away forever!

As I look out my window this afternoon at the beautiful snow and the barren trees I am again remembering that there is a time and season for everything. Kind of a theme in my life right now I guess. The long days of wiping noses, getting the perpetual drinks and snacks, endless laundry......it is a season. There is joy to be found in every season because my source of joy is unchanging!

He Does Know Best

2011-01-21T12:55:00.004-05:00

You know the verse in Isaiah 55 that says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord." Are you familiar with that particular verse? In case you wondered it is definitely true! :) If God had not broken into my carefully laid out plans this beautiful peanut would not grace our home with her laughter, her feisty spirit and her sparkly eyes! His ways truly are perfect! He knew I needed this little treasure and I will thank Him until the day I die for blessing us with her life! She normally wants to go outside when the other kids go out to play in the snow but his morning she was content to put on her hat and gloves and just gaze out the window.

And do you remember this picture?

Pretty sure Heidi is related to him! She loves sleeping with her blankets over her face or draped around her head! This was not staged at all!

Being pulled on their sleds! Their favorite thing about winter! Can you blame them?

All snuggled in together! Lots of cold fingers and toes when they are done! And clamoring for hot chocolate!

Heidi outside experiencing the snow! She even secured herself a ride on the sled and thought it was fun for a few minutes.

More cute Heidi pictures!

Good pals! She likes to climb into bed at night with Tristan as I am tucking him in and singing his myriad of songs! She giggles and wiggles the whole time! Somedays it is easier to count my blessings than others. And today as I sit in my warm home watching the snow swirl outside the windows I am grateful!

Times and Seasons

2011-01-19T12:18:00.002-05:00

For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace. Ecc. 3:1-8

I found myself drawn to Ecclesiastes so often. I have never claimed to be normal, whatever that is, and this certainly solidifies that notion. While other people memorize, scour, read and meditate on lofty passages of scripture I find myself returning over and over to this book. For years now. I think in part because it always puts my life into perspective. This life is fleeting, everything that we do has already been done, there is nothing new under the sun. Nothing takes God by surprise! Heartache, sorrow, joy, laughter....the cycle of life. He created it and put it into motion! I found myself looking through this passage since Madeline's death. There is such a beautiful eb and flow to these verses. Not necessarily eloquent but a beautiful rhythm.

There truly is a time for everything! I watch my children and I think there is something so poignant about Jesus' words regarding children. Multiple times he talks about their child-like faith. Think about how our children trust us completely to meet their needs, care for them, love them, etc. How different life would be if we truly did live with a child-like faith and didn't question experiences and hardships as much. Instead lovingly looked to our Father with complete, unwavering trust.

So today we are focusing on celebrating life! Shane's life to be exact! He has reached his 8th birthday which requires much festivities and dancing! It started out great with a 2 hour delay. This allowed me extra time to make his birthday breakfast (pancakes and bacon) and time for him to open presents! We had to postpone his lunch date since we didn't have a sitter and now it looks like we may have to postpone it again due to yucky weather on Friday. We keep it pretty simple around here at birthdays: they pick out their breakfast, get a lunch date with mom and dad, pick out their birthday dinner and celebrate with cake and ice cream! We usually get a bunch of helium balloons for everyone and I think that is actually their favorite part. We have only done one or two birthday parties ever since we have our own built in party central! One of the advantages of a slightly bigger family! We are a living, breathing, chaotic party! And we wouldn't have it any other way!

Loss and Grief

2011-01-18T19:14:00.003-05:00

Over the weekend I was getting ready to post fun sledding pictures and talk about the goodness of life when I found out my friend Lisa's baby had passed away. I felt a huge weight on my chest. I spent a chunk of time sobbing for their loss. My dear husband just held me as my body shook from the depths. I have had other friends experience deep loss as well but this time my heart felt so broken. She fought so heroically for 5 months! She played peek-a-boo with her mommy, would get excited at the visits of her sisters......she lived a relatively short time but the impact has been great! She was a fighter and her parents are amazing!! I wish so badly I could fly to Colorado and be a part of celebrating her life with them!

During these months I have thought often of how Lisa befriended me upon my arrival at a new school my junior year. The times spent hanging out in her basement, running through her yard to another friends house (I thought living within walking distance to a friends house had to be so cool), our trip to Florida our senior year to visit her grandmother.....in all our moments of carefree laughter it never entered my mind that there may come a day that one of us would walk through the loss of a child as the other flounders to know how to extend love! It is just not something you imagine when you talk about what life will be like someday. You only imagine the good, the easy....not the difficult life altering moments.

I will get back to pictures of everyday life soon since life does go on. Would you take some moments and pray for Lisa, Shanker, their girls and extended family as they are saying good-bye to sweet Madeline Grace? Life for them will also go on but with a noticeable void. And take a moment to gave on her beautiful face. http://www.madelinegracewiegel.blogspot.com She truly has touched my heart deeply and will not be forgotten!!

How Old Is He?

2011-01-10T20:18:00.002-05:00

This picture seems to reveal that Tristan is indeed in touch with his inner "old man". Lounging in the rocker, legs crossed, pants hiked up, socks showing, the shoes....need I go on? I have always said he is quirky and this just proves my point!

Three Years Ago...

2011-01-09T14:49:00.002-05:00

Our hearts skipped a beat as we saw this face for the very first time! The months of praying, paperwork and waiting culminated with this sighting!

Beautiful didn't even seem adequate to define her! We were smitten.

Mark and I lay in bed last night reminiscing the day of our referral call. Every detail etched into our minds! She was tiny, precious and in need of a families love. And God chose our family! We have been forever changed!

This past year we have encountered some exhausting challenges! The angry outburst, the retaliation in the form of peeing anywhere and everywhere, gravitating towards other people instead of me.....unless you have walked the road of adoption it is really hard to convey the emotions involved. Just a week ago things kind of came to a head again in my heart. I found myself really struggling. Eden had asked for something and I gave her an answer she didn't like. She threw a small cardboard children's book that connected with my eye! I cannot even tell you how badly it hurt! My eye was swollen and painful. But we sat on her bed sobbing together. Even now I have tears as I type. The pain in my heart was almost unbearable! Feeling alone in my battle to win my daughter's heart! I felt isolated, alone, defeated.....and right on the heels of the hurt I felt the fiercest of loves for her! I love her with every fabric of my being! She has experienced loss in her short little life that would cause any of us to be distrusting of other people.

When we come to mind over the next year would you pray for the final pieces of our attachment to become solidified? That her little heart would know and experience a deep healing through our consistent love. That God would equip us to parent and love her daily! And if you have any tips, scriptures, Words for God please pass them along. We cherish knowing that this journey of life is shared with people we love and who love us.

It's A Wrap

2011-01-06T18:42:00.005-05:00

Family pictures are something of a nemesis! You just can't get a good one. But that is the stage of life we are in so I guess it keeps it real. This is about as good as it gets! We spent the Sunday before Christmas with my side of the family and then the day after Christmas with Mark's family. I hardly have any pictures from the time we spent with my side of the family since I am far too busy gabbing to take pictures. It really is quite terrible!

One of my favorite moments from time spent with family was holding my nephew Zavior. I don't get to snuggle any of my kids anymore. They are preoccupied with running and climbing and not very interested in the snuggle time. To have Zav fall asleep in my arms and holding him for a long time filled up my heart!

Mark's three youngest sisters! They are such fun, the best babysitters and we have been blessed immeasurably with how they serve our rambunctious crew!

Mark's sister Christine, her husband Eric and their sweetheart Annalise! We are already planning sleep-overs for our girls once they are old enough. Hope they like each other!!

Mark's sister Suzanne, husband Moe and little guy Zavior! Doesn't he have the sweetest eyes?

The festivities at my sister's house with my side. The kids were just getting ready to start ripping into their gifts. They all exchange names as cousins. It is probably one of our kids favorite things at Christmas. They look forward with such anticipation to giving their gifts to their cousins!

Eden with her gift from her cousin Chase! She loves dressing them - especially at bedtime. She has a hard time crawling into bed unless the little dolls have their jammies on too.

Tristan and his best buddy Julianna! These two have the sweetest and funniest connection! Tristan asks for Julie a lot. He loves any chance he gets to play with her which isn't often enough for him!

These pictures are all so backwards. Oh well! The week of Christmas heralded Judah's winter concert. He was pretty excited and was happy to see his whole family, including his dad, at the concert.

Tristan was not impressed with the band. Too loud!!

Christmas morning digging into their stockings!

We usually give the kids jammies on Christmas Eve so they all had their footie jammies on - including the big boys!

More stocking stuff! We were really blown away with how grateful our kids were this year. We have never gotten them much but we scaled back even more this year. They still said things like, "You didn't have to get us so much." and "This must have cost so much!" We were amazed at their expressions of thankfulness! Since both sides of our family are large our kids do not get inundated with stuff from extended family for which we are extremely thankful! They seem to be understanding that spending time together creates far more memories than the things they receive! Now.....I don't want you thinking they are this grateful all the time because that wouldn't be painting a completely accurate picture. They are still kids, you know?

Books...puzzles...candy....what more could you ask for?

Maybe your very own "brown" baby!! Although Eden has been thrilled with her baby she still has been voicing pretty frequently that she wants a cute brown baby sister!!

And where was Heidi during the initial present extravaganza? Why, asleep in our bed! She was getting some much needed rest before opening her presents! Still think you are hard pressed to find anything sweeter than a sleeping babe!!

Everyone was more than happy to help Heidi open her stocking and her gifts when she finally awoke to the land of the living.

Not Christmas related at all but......this is princess Eden who was dressed up by her big brothers! They decided she needed a royal pet too so therefore Heidi's caterpillar was all decked out as well! She doesn't look too thrilled in this picture but she was eating up the attention of her big brothers.

And that is a wrap on Christmas!

Parade of Poop.......

2010-12-30T21:40:00.002-05:00

....has arrived at our house! My first clue was when I found Heidi with poop that had run down her legs into her socks and shoes. Of course this landed her in the tub which was fine with her. Shortly after the other two younger munchkins started with frequent trips to the bathroom. The only child in the home yet unscathed is Judah. Here is hoping his immune system stays strong! I found myself wanting to complain earlier and then I thought of Bethany spending weeks on end dealing with her cholera patients! I feel almost pathetic in mentioning the diarrhea at our house when it will not reach life threatening levels. It will just be a mild inconvenience to me and make really sore bottoms on my little treasures! But I don't have to rush to a clinic in hopes that I return home with my loved one. Lets not forget to continue praying for those in Haiti who are fighting for their lives on a daily basis due to the cholera outbreak. It is no longer making main line news but it is very real! And I will continue to clean up little children and scrub my hands! I thought I would upload a few of my favorites photos from the past week as a precursor to the Christmas pictures. Today was the first day in over a week that I felt like the kids were at odds and feeling restless. And some of that may be due to the fact that they have irritate bellies. We have had a really wonderful week!! Shane continues to support his Eagles even though they had a really shabby performance this week. He is a loyal fan!

Judah has of course spent lots of time drawing. Hard to believe we are on the brink of having a 10 year old in the house!

Over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house we go!!! All loaded up and ready to head to Uncle Mike and Aunt Donna's for the festivities on my side of the family. They had a ball with their cousins and all fell asleep on the way home (except for Judah).

Eden wanted her own picture. I kindly obliged!

Heidi looking all sweet and festive even though she is wearing shoes that do not match! She refuses to wear any other shoes than those. I am not sure what we will do when they no longer fit. She seems a little young to be so particular about shoes but she is. The only other shoes she will wear are ones that are 2-3 sizes too big. That is fine as long as we stay home but that isn't always practical.

Stay tuned for more Christmas fun! After the parade moves on.....

Long Overdue

2010-12-28T19:43:00.002-05:00

So.....the holidays are over and things are starting to resemble something similar to normal again. We have been having great fun without the extra demands of school! Although I got hit with some sort of bug for the few days following Christmas. Still not feeling swell but much better. I was so thankful Mark was around so that I could get some much needed extra rest.

Before I share all the fun pictures from Christmas I will give you a glimpse of how our Christmas day played out. Thanks to our very own in-house planner we had a detailed description of how the day was going to unfold. This hand written list will go down in the history of our family and will be saved in the archives. Just need to get the archives started. I will type it out exactly as it was written - spelling errors and all. The spelling errors almost make me twitch but it adds to the fun!

Christmas day.

set out cookies and milk. (for the Santa that no one really believes in)
one. every body wak up.
two. Judah holds the christmas day ring, once taired, everybody run's to there preasents.
(we made a construction paper chain to count down the days until Christmas)
three. get all your peasant's next to you, and your stoking, and get ready to look through your stoking.
four. once done with stokings, move on to preasent's once everyone is done with there stokings.
five. once done with preasent's, group hug and kisse's to mom and dad and thank you's for the preasants.
six. play game's.
seven. tell christmas story's.
eight. go to grandma and grandpa.
nine. whatch the grinch.
ten. snugel and tell if we had a good christmas and think if we are going to have a good christmas in 2011.

plan's :Judah
writing: Judah

And that my friends is how our day went down! We had lots of fun and our children surprised us with their gratefulness! Pictures to follow......Oh....and my spell checker wondered what just happened here!!

Through the Eyes of a Child

2010-12-18T21:18:00.003-05:00

If you are my friend on facebook you got the shortened version of this story last week. It tickled my heart and caused me to think. I was sitting with Eden and Tristan and we were checking the Reece's Rainbow websit to see how many children have found families since their Christmas sponsorship's started. Twenty-two children last I checked. So exciting for these children who truly are the least of these in the world's eyes to find love in the arms of a family!

As we were looking at the website Eden started asking if they all needed mommie's and daddy's. I told her that every child we were looking at needed a family. We then were looking at the children with an hiv diagnosis and she wondered again if they needed families. I assured her that yes....they were waiting for a mommy and a daddy. She started pointing at every single child and saying, "We can have her. And him. And him. And I want him. And I want her." You get the idea. The following conversation is what followed:

Tristan: "Eden.....we can't have that many kids!"

Eden: "Yes we can. They need a mommy and a daddy."

Tristan: "Eeeeeeyah!! We can't have like 500!!"

Eden: "Tristan! They need a mommy!"

Tristan: "They will break our house and step on us!"

I sat in between them with a smile on my face. Eden.....the one who acts spontaneously and Tristan.....the voice of reason! It was like listening to a married couple argue!

Yet....I had to wonder. What if more of us had child-like faith and just went for it! What if we responded to the need without thinking about all the what-if's? I am not saying be foolish but I think the whole concept of "using wisdom" can become an escape goat.

So how about it? Anyone want to adopt a sweet child this next year so I can tell Eden another one has a family? She has been telling us lately that when she didn't have a mommy and daddy she wished for one and prayed for one! I think she is just saying this since she surely was too small to even process these thoughts. But I smile and hug here anyway and affirm that God answered her prayers!!

Looking Deeper

2010-12-18T20:29:00.004-05:00

It has been a few weeks since I wrote my post about weariness and I would like to say I have done better at letting go of things and rolling with the punches! But.....wait for it......I am still having to learn everyday! I am still finding my stress levels high, my frustration levels higher and continuing to wonder where the joy is hiding amidst the added activities of the Christmas season. A few things happened this week to help get my focus back in the proper direction. The main one being numerous talks with my man. He knows me better than anyone and he is able to listen to my ramblings and decipher the underlying issues pretty well. And Amy....you were right on when you said in the moments you feel like you need alone time that what you really need is alone time with Him!

Bottom line for me: I place a lot of expectations on myself and I have too high of expectations in general. Can anyone else relate? I somehow think that since I have so much extra to do that my kids will automatically put the fighting on hold. I assume that I will be able to accomplish all the normal demands as well as all the extras on my "to-do" list in the same amount of time. And when the normal interruptions that come with having small children happen I find myself aggravated!

I am purposing to write some things down this Christmas season to revisit next fall so I can hopefully ward off the downward spiral. Now....to make things clear I haven't been a scrooge and I haven't had a bah-humbug kind of attitude about Christmas. I really like everything about Christmas. I just have been too worried about what I am forgetting and what isn't getting done to completely bask in the wonder in my children's eyes! This next week until Christmas day I am going to really try and pull back, take my cues from my children and spend extra time down on the floor doing whatever it is my kids do all day! And right now that means snuggling with my Heidi girl who suddenly thinks she is too big to be held much. Except when it is time for me to make dinner. Then I am the best thing that has happened to her all day!!

Everyday Life

2010-12-10T21:46:00.003-05:00

Real life sometimes throws unexpected events at you. And of course events that are perceived as exciting to children are seen as a complete inconvenience to the parents! Like waking up to find your house is on the verge of being an island! We went to bed on the last day of November after a long rainy day not even thinking about the fact we might wake to find a flood outside our door. But.....morning rolled around and this is what greeted us. Along with a small amount of water in our basement that was no match to my husbands mad shop vac skills!! I had to drive Judah to the end of the driveway since walking through the water would have been quite cold and messy. Turns out he would not be able to get to school since a mile down the road this was what would have greeted the bus!

Mark drove down to see why the road was closed and this is what he found. Notice the poor vehicle stranded in the middle of the water!

So what do boys do when they get an unexpected day off? Roll up their pant legs and ride through the water of course!

Keep in mind it was barely above freezing and Shane was out riding around in shorts, t-shirt and bare feet! With his feet in the frigid water! They came in and soaked their feet in the tub for a while after their bike riding shenanigans!

And just because she wears cute so well! I really wish I could convey how sweet she is! I sat with her this evening and listened as Shane told her a few times how much he loved her while kissing her cheeks! She is a blessed little girl with all the doting from her older siblings! Although she is learning very rapidly that Tristan protests very loudly any bullying on her part! So guess what she does? Takes whatever he is playing with and runs down the hall giggling with him running after her wailing!

I love little feet! Not quite sure I am done having little feet running through my house and soft cheeks to kiss! I am not making any big statements here. Just saying I am loving this stage with Heidi and wouldn't mind having to go through this stage again.

And the little miss with the gross nose! Sorry but it is hard to get a picture minus the snot these days! I am grateful for days like today when she lays aside her demands and embraces kindness! What a gift! The glimpses that all the days of training that feel like they may never end will pay off. We had some precious times of our hearts being knitted even deeper which is a continued prayer of mine. We have gone almost a week now without any potty issues which may require a celebration!

And then there is the young chap! And chapped he is! Check out his chin. Is that his chin? I am not sure what that is classified since it is between his lip and his chin. Maybe a chip? Whatever it is it needs cream everyday! Little habits are hard to break.

I have a few posts brewing in my head. One about expectations setting us up for disappointment as mothers. Another about giving with purpose. And an update on things with Eden. I am writing this down more for my benefit than yours. So I can look back to remind myself what is swirling in my head because it may get lost!

Weariness

2010-12-06T21:31:00.002-05:00

So this evening I had a small revelation of sorts. Nothing too major. Very simple really. I have been kind of moody lately and just couldn't figure out what is wrong with me. Lack of patience with the kids, wishing for some solitude, feeling like I am failing miserably as I attempt to navigate the intricacies of the many dynamics involving relationships in our home.....you get the picture. I have been feeling almost melancholy and wondering where my joy has gone?

Tonight I was walking back the hallway and pondering yet again why I was feeling slightly sour. Mark had the two older boys out at a gun shop (yikes) and I had the younger three. We were doing the whole bedtime routine and once again I was meeting some resistance. They rarely want to go potty since they are sure they do not have to go. I kid you not...every night Tristan exclaims from the bathroom, "Yup! You were right mom. I had to pee." And I want to say, "Big surprise" but I bite my tongue.

Back to feeling grumpy. As I walked back the hallway to help with jammies I quietly said in my spirit, "Why Lord do I feel so weary?" You can look at the day to day demands and see why I might be weary and tired. But even though I often feel physically tired this is a different weariness. It is the kind that settles into your bones. The kind that robs your joy. The kind that makes you begin to look at yourself more than others. It is a weariness of spirit. I realized in that moment that amidst all the demands of the day I have become too busy to seek out the source of my strength. I have been trying to accomplish everything in my own strength. A sure set-up for fatigue and a recipe for discontent.

In the same moment I remembered a promise that is given to me in Matthew 11. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for our souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I don't know about you but I find this promise to be incredibly life giving!! I have been trying to sort through daily challenges that seem plentiful in our home right now in my own strength. With what little wisdom I have gleaned. Apparently I am not very wise based on the progress we are making. Wow! I am convinced that having a "larger" family forces everyone to face their selfish carnal nature. Including the mother much to her dismay!

So I find myself this evening also banking on the promise found in Acts 3 which says, "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." I am choosing to lay my sin of self-reliance down so that I may have it wiped clean and I can walk in the refreshing of the Lord."

This isn't an easy fix. Just like so much of life we need to walk things out and allow God to bring them to completion. I need to draw near to the Father, the source of my strength, the source of my life and rest in Him. This doesn't mean I sit idle and do nothing. It means I walk out the life set before me while relying on Him to sustain me.

Long story short....I feel renewed and hopeful tonight. I am grateful that when I seek answers He is faithful to meet me.

World Aids Day

2010-12-01T13:26:00.001-05:00

Truth Pandemic

Take a few minutes and watch this video! Spread the Truth!!

And watch the Nightly News with Katie Couric tonight to see Carolyn's family! God is doing amazing things through this family. Truth is being spread and it is in fact contagious!

Would You Be Willing

2010-11-30T14:26:00.003-05:00

Ok...I really have so much to say. If I could only get all the swirling thoughts downloaded with a USB cord you all would be reading for days! Unfortunately, I need to actually find the time to sit and type them out. Until I make the time I wanted to ask all of you, my friends, family and other readers, to consider doing something maybe a little different this year.

You all know that for whatever reason God has placed a burden on my heart for the children listed on the reece's rainbow site. From Down Syndrom, HIV, Cerebral Palsey to Fetal Alcohol Syndrom, etc. So many children handcrafted by my Creator that need families to love them.

Reece's Rainbow has a really neat awareness drive that takes place every year in the months of November and December. They set funds up for a lot of the children and you can donate to their adoption funds. This way they have a better chance at finding a family and you have been involved in a small way. If you are able to donate $35 to a certain child they will send you an ornament to hang on your tree to remind you to pray for them and for their family to find them. If you aren't able to donate $35 that is okay. Any amount helps these children.

Do you remember back in August I had posted about dear little Anna? She was one of the little girls who has DS and she had finally found a family. Long story short: her family fell through and she was once again waiting. Of course she was one of the children we chose to help simply because she has captured our hearts for some reason. If you go to the angel tree sponsorship page you can view all the children and their increasing adoption funds. Two days ago I looked for her and realized she had gone from having $471 in her adoption fund to over $2,700!! I was elated! And then yesterday when I tried to find her on the page I had to scroll all the way to the very bottom of the page where she is listed under the beautiful heading, "My Family Found Me!" She once again has a family who is working to bring her home!!

Would you think about donating to her fund? Or look over the other children and see if there is another child God may lead you to either donate to, advocate for or possibly even adopt?! Just a week ago there was only 5 children listed under the heading, "My Family Found Me!" Now...there are 17 children! I know I don't have a huge amount of people that read my blog but if everyone gave even a little we could help Anna and so many others! So my question today is, "Would you be willing?" Willing to maybe give up one of your Christmas gifts this year so a child may find life? Willing to give up going out for dinner one time this month so a child can know love? Willing to clip coupons for the first time in order to save some money for Anna? I know we can make a difference if we all work together! Are you willing?

Thankfulness

2010-11-24T14:35:00.004-05:00

Here I sit on a chilly Wednesday afternoon waiting for my pot of fresh coffee to finish brewing. Some days I lack motivation even though my to do list doesn't slow down. Last night was another rough one. Heidi was back at the doctor's office today for a recheck on her ears and sure enough her ear is still not completely healed. I could have told you that without a visit to the doctor though. She would only sleep on me in a reclined position on the couch and that was with wakeful cries every 20-30 minutes, lots of tugging on the culprit ear. She did have a stretch of about 3 hours after the Motrin kicked in but Eden and Tristan decided to disrupt my only solid stretch with multiple visits to our bedside, trips to the potty, help locating lost blankies......those of you with little ones know the drill. So....today my body and spirit feel similar to the gray sky outside. Just blah! Feeling sorry for my little girl and wondering why we have such a hard time getting her ears clear after an infection. Her ear drum is definitely perforated from two weeks ago too. She handles it with more grace than I do I am afraid.

We spent Sunday with my side of the family celebrating the beginning of Thanksgiving and now tomorrow we will continue the festivities with Mark's side. I enjoy Thanksgiving so much. The whole concept of taking time out to recognize how blessed we are and to be grateful. I think we are going to start an experiment this year as well. Our pastor gave some statistics from a study that was done on people who kept of thanksgiving journal. I am going to see if he happens to have the statics on his blog or if he will forward them to me so I can pass them along to you. It was pretty amazing how the simple act of writing something down on a daily basis that you are thankful for causes a persons outlook on life to be transformed. I am hoping to start a daily thanksgiving journal with the kids since some of our children have a natural tendency to be pessimistic. What if by mirroring to them a grateful heart we can begin to help transform their minds?

I really have so much to be thankful for - too many things to even count. Thankful for the health of my children as I continue to watch my friend Lisa's little girl fight to hang onto life. Thankful for the things I take for granted on a daily basis - food, shelter, family. Did you know there is an absolutely horrible drought right now in Western Africa? Very similar to the famine in the 80's. How helpless a mother must feel listening to the cries of her children grow weaker and weaker as they hover on death's door. I am thankful for nice medical facilities. I hope to someday soon have my cousin do a few guest posts on my blog about her work with many Haitian patients during this cholera epidemic. I still need to ask her but I am waiting for things to slow down for her. I am incredibly grateful that when my child says they are thirsty I have clean water to pour into their cup. I don't have to worry about the chronic diarrhea that plagues a majority of the world's children. Really.....the daily things I take for granted are enough to make me thankful for a lifetime!

I am thankful for a certain little boy in my house who invited me to have a sleepover in his room along with his sister Eden. Even though a minute ago I heard him tell her she isn't allowed in his room because she stuck out her tongue at him. Come 8:00 he will change his mind. And he will probably change his mind in 10 minutes for that matter. How she delights in tormenting her brothers!!

On another note altogether (this is a random one post): I wouldn't normally ask you or encourage you to go buy a copy of People magazine but I am encouraging you to do so this week. You know the organization I told you about called Project Hopeful? I met the founder at the orphan care summit we attended a few weeks ago and some of the women and their husbands who work with them. Guess what? They have a 5 page spread in the center of this weeks People magazine about Carolyn's family, about Project Hopeful and about hiv adoption!!! It is an amazing story of God working. They have been working for 10 months on this article and it is released the week before World Aids Day! People is the largest subscription magazine with 44 million subscribers not including the ones on racks in stores. It is an amazing opportunity for God to work in people's hearts and for the stigma of HIV to be smashed to smithereens!! I am hoping to purchase a copy tonight. And if you don't want to buy it find it at the local library, the local salon, take a moment and read the article in the checkout at the grocery store. Just spread the word!!

And now I am going to drink a bit of coffee in hopes that my body will respond a little quicker to my brains attempts to get it to move.

Another Day

2010-11-17T19:48:00.003-05:00

I am sitting here trying to figure out how a week has passed since I posted last but the time just seems to have vanished! I have days that seem to just morph into the next day and the next without a real defining break. And suddenly you find another week gone to never be relived again. It makes me think. I really only have one chance. Only one life to live. And I want to make mine count for something!

My week started becoming a bit more complex when Heidi started with fever. Not that a fever is complex in itself. It just throws a wrench into everyday life when you a little one who is sick. As any parent knows when a child is sick everything seems to take the back burner and you need to be available to soothe the tears, snuggle away the discomfort and just hold your little lovie. I wasn't too worried about the fever but in less than 24 hours she had really yucky drainage coming out her ear which landed us at urgent care since it was the weekend. Heidi is so vehement in her dislike of any medical facility that it makes it nearly impossible to check her -ever! It usually takes two of us to hold her in order for her to just have her routine checkup. The doctor said he couldn't say with absolute certainty that she had a perforated ear drum but with the disgusting drainage her assumed that was the cause. Her ear obviously was badly infected and I left feeling like a negligent mother. My consolation is that she hadn't even been sick for 24 hours before the drainage started so I know that had I called the doctor's office they would have advised me to wait another day. Can you tell she has had her fair share of ear infections? I know the drill but I still felt horrible!

Which leads me to my dislike of amoxicillan. Call me crazy but my kids seems to take on a whole new personality when they are on that medicine! And it isn't a personality that is very pleasant to be around! But I am thankful for the availability and access we have to medicine.

And I don't mean to beat a dead horse but.......when any of my children are sick I can't help but think about the millions of other little ones who are sick on their own. No one to comfort them. No one to scoop them up when they cry during the night. No one to care! It is their reality and we can't stick our heads in the sand and pretend it isn't the glaring truth. Because it is!

On that note I have sweet little ones (and sometimes not so sweet) to tuck into bed. Until next time.......

The Face of HIV

2010-11-10T08:29:00.006-05:00

I got some answers for the question posed in my comment section yesterday. I contacted Andrea to get the low down. Thanks Andrea! :)

In her words: "If you are actually in the middle of having to mop up blood then gloves would be a good idea. The reality is that the virus does not live very long outside of the body. It dies pretty quickly. The other reality is if you had a cut it would have to pretty much be gaping, bleeding profusely and you would have to rub your blood with their blood ALOT. The chances of transmittal are slim. I don't have glove very close. Maybe not the smartest move but it is that hard to transmit!"

I also asked her how a couple can have a sexual relationship if one is HIV+ without the other person contracting the disease. And how does a couple have a child without the partner becoming infected? Her answer: "There isn't a website out there that will tell you that you will not contract hiv if you have unprotected sex with a partner....even if you are undetectable. It would be on their heads and there would be backlash. That being said...there are statistics that show transmission is very low and mother to child transmission with ARV use is less than 2%. There is a sperm washing/IVF if the male is +. A very fine line for a couple to walk."

Hopefully that answers the questions a little bit. Keep the questions coming since it is good for us all to be educated so the stigma can be erased!

And on to the sweet face of Dasha! Who really opened my eyes to the reality of what hiv looks like in the face of a child!
Now...we can all agree that she is beyond cute! But if you could have witnessed her in action. Wow! Personality that is larger than life!

She is healthy and more importantly she gets to live her life with a family instead of in an institution! All because people like you and I are not afraid to tackle what would have seemed insurmountable only a decade ago! I really wish I could convey to you what this little girl did in us! It is not her fault that she carries a virus that is fatal without intervention!!

I have more to say (of course) but the children are restless and we need to get school started. If nothing else, just look at her little face, ask God to protect all the vulnerable children throughout the world and get involved somehow!!

Head over the www.reecesrainbow.org click on the hiv page and see the children who are waiting for families. Thankfully....you will no longer see Dasha's face on the waiting children list!